Never Forget, Forgive, Forever
by Mazula
Summary: He could never forget, the other could never forgive, but both knew that their happiness was never forever.  Nuju/Matoro father/son angst THREE-shot. Rated for mild swearing. Takes place BEFORE Teridax's rule.
1. Never Forget

**Never Forget**

_A/N~ This is yet another bunny that would NOT. LEAVE. ME. ALONE. Oh, and to add insult to injury, it came with a twin. Yes my friends, I'm making a f***ing two-shot. Why am I enjoying this? I am NOT a friggin masochist! I'm a SADIST damn it!_

…_well enjoy kids. This whining little girl is off to pack her things and move into a padded room. Nice knowing you!_

_**A/N 2~ **__Now edited! Again…ahem, but as for this, you can see some definite changes, especially in the new backstory of how Nuju came across Matoro. It's very vague here and brief, if not fully explained, but it will all make sense in my new fic 'Prodigal'. Check it out!_

Part one of a three-shot.

Summary: After hearing the brunt of what was to come in the near future, Matoro oddly seems…serene. Being told to his face that he, his city, was going to die, he oddly doesn't seem to care. It's just the one life he has come to love that he wishes to keep alive…

HUMAIZED!Bionicle ahead! Part of a three-shot people!

This is pre-Island of Doom.

Enjoy!

Matoro's POV

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

"I'm sorry to say my friends, but…it seems the end is near. Mata-nui…is going to die…"

Strange, how those words were only said to my Turaga, through my ears, only a few days ago. And stranger still, I felt no such worry for myself, my city, my people. No, I felt…serene. Calm even. It was…so strange. Eerie. But even still, I felt scared. Not for my city, not for anyone. Not even myself…

Just one person.

I had practically locked myself up in my hut after we heard the news from Dume's lips. The other Turaga didn't seem surprised when I had frozen up, looking ready to be sick, and fled from the room after hearing it. If anything, they felt a little guilty that I had to once again be the retainer for such a harsh secret. Especially Nuju…

Once again, I was shunned by many Matoran. Many that learned that I was the only Matoran on Mata-nui that knew of their old city, knew of their lives, their _memories_, had shunned me with harsh words and even harsher expressions. And oddly enough, I took it all with a downcast gaze.

I didn't mind.

I never was a Matoran like my people. I was too different. I was a black lamb among pure white sheep.

A Matoran who was too kind, smiled too much, was too social, and socialized with the wolves of Onu-metru. The flock shunned me, and left me to fend for myself.

I didn't mind…

Instead, I'd put on a mask of a smile, and go on with my life in stride, even if I cry behind the mask. I was just the same bittersweet Matoran Turaga Nuju found barely thriving in the ruins of Metru-nui, bitter, angry, and alone.

But it seems life decided to give me a second chance. Despite all the obstacles we had to face, all of which I would _never _put my Turaga through again, I was finally able to smile again. I would be taken to the surface after being alone for so long, and with the Matoran's memories gone, I could start over! I was free to be who I was without a second thought!

…if only that were true.

Even if it was just for a while, it was all for none. I was alone again…

But at least now I wasn't truly alone, and I wasn't angry like I used to be; I didn't hate. Nuju was by my side this time, still watching out for me and leading me out of dark times. The elder was always there to make me smile, always there to pick me up, and always there to fill that empty space in my heart. Nuju was something precious to me, like my own father. I loved my Turaga, and I sometimes wondered if the same went for him. I'd do anything for my Turaga, if only to keep him safe and happy.

And he was going to be taken away from me.

No, I wasn't worried for the people that shunned me, not for the city that didn't care, not for anyone. Except for that one Turaga of whom I loved like my own father. And I was scared for him…

Maybe it was because of that dream I've been having for the past few weeks…

I'm simply falling, in what felt like a waterfall. Bright, golden light surrounds me, and I feel myself fading. I can hear my own heartbeat pounding into my ears, my very body slowly vanishing into bright particles. I can only think of Nuju and the few friends I managed to keep. But mostly Nuju.

And even with the knowledge of my very being fading into nothingness, I don't feel afraid. Instead I feel…happy. I don't feel scared that I'm fading. For some reason, I feel at peace. And for some reason, I know everyone is safe; it's only me that's fading away. Everyone is safe, it's just me. Nuju's safe…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

I wake up from that very same dream now, staring at the ceiling of my makeshift hut. My heart is racing and I'm covered in a cold sweat; just like those other times. It's always the same…

I groaned lowly and hid under my blankets. I didn't want to get up. But I don't want to dream again. I just want things to go back to the way they were…

'_You have to get up…'_ a little voice in the back of my head says. Probably my more responsible side again. And granted, I really did have to get up. I had work to do on rebuilding a tower.

Sighing, I tossed my blankets off of my body, shuddering from the sudden draft on my bed-warmed skin. Movement was sluggish and slow, like walking through sand.

I didn't even bother making my bed, but I at least had the decency of placing my penguin plush toy on my pillow before getting ready. And there was that face again. The same face I always made when I woke up from that dream, staring at me in my mirror like a zombie. I splashed cold water on my face to wake myself up and get some color back into it.

Now dressed, I did a once over in my mirror again, tugging at a lock of my hair. I was thinking of getting it cut, but when I voiced this to Nuju, he didn't seem to approve. Stupid jerk couldn't keep his damn hands on his own head and play with his own hair if it killed him.

At least the fresh air would do me some good, or so I hoped. I had to stop by my Turaga's office to pick up the blueprints to the tower I was overseeing reconstruction on. And honestly, I wasn't looking forward to it…

It hurt seeing him under these circumstances and what I knew was to come. It hurt knowing that one of these days, I wouldn't be able to see him like I used to. Maybe the last thing I'll see is his face of pain or terror as death comes to us. I didn't know, nor did I want to.

"Turaga…" I greeted, not looking towards him as I shuffled to the far desk in his office to gather the file on the tower.

I didn't hear anything from him, but I could feel his sharp gaze on my back. I wanted to look back at him, but I was afraid of possibly breaking down into sobbing wreck if I did. Not that I wasn't too far from it, but still, I didn't feel like testing my limits.

I had to stay strong and proud. For his sake…

"_Matoro…"_

Damn it, why did he have to sound like _that_ now of all times?

"Yes?" I didn't look at him as I responded, instead opting to observe the candle in front of me. It looked like it would burn out soon with how short the wick was getting.

I nearly flinched when I heard Nuju push his chair out, his steady footsteps getting louder as they approached me. But again, I refused to look at him. I just watched the few droplets of wax slither into the candle holder and harden into a dripping mass.

"_You're troubled…"_ he said. A statement. How fitting…

"Oh?" I try to sound nonchalant, normal. But I sounded pathetic…

A sigh from him. I faintly felt his warm breath ghost over the back of my neck, and I fought off the shudder it brought in me.

"_Matoro…I-"_

"I have to go now. The others are waiting you know." I finally looked up at him and smiled that fake smile of mine. It actually hurt to smile like this to him, to lie to him. But I had to be strong. I had to show him that I was okay.

He seemed slightly stunned when I interrupted him, but he didn't get the time to retort as I sped my way to the door with my work in hand.

"I'll see you in a few hours…" were my last words as I departed.

Huh, it was snowing…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

I honestly wasn't focusing on my work. But I was getting things done correctly at least; like I was on autopilot. I just wasn't hearing my own words or paying attention to my actions.

Really, I was feeling a headache coming on from staring at all this…white. Odd considering I live in a world of white. Ugh, I'm yammering again. And I was feeling a bit hot…

'_Ugh…I think I'm getting sick…again…'_ I thought. Sick indeed…

I didn't want to be here. If anything, I needed a distraction. Why was I even here anyways? It wasn't like it was a good idea to let someone like me with traumatizing news out in the city. Where did they even get the mere idea? Where-

"Where are they?"

…well, here's my distraction. Thanks a lot Mata-nui. Your dying humor is the highlight of my day. _Really_…

"Who?" I asked in a neutral tone, keeping my gaze locked on my clipboard. I was seriously not in the mood to amuse Jaller right now of all times.

"The Turaga. The Toa Nuva. No one has seen them today, and whenever they vanish like that, it means trouble is coming. Now where are they, and why aren't you with them, Matoro?" Jaller demanded.

Questions, questions, questions…

I looked at him with a weary gaze, contemplating whether or not to just tell him to take a hike or ignore him. My headache was really starting to become a pain now. _He_ was becoming a pain…

"If I tell you, I would violate my oath…" I paused briefly to gather my thoughts, "If I tell you I know nothing, I would be lying to a friend. You can imagine how enthusiastic I am about having to make this choice. I'm sorry Jaller, I can't give you an answer." I used a bit of sarcasm on 'enthusiastic'.

Oddly though, Jaller just pat my shoulder like he was amusing a child and gave me a smug look.

"Alright. But in this case, not giving an answer _is_ giving an answer…" I tuned out the rest of his words with a blank stare. That headache was becoming a migraine. I was going to need to take my medicine again soon…

I simply shrugged as he finished.

"I can't imagine who you can ask." I said as I scribbled some notes down onto my clipboard. I missed Jaller smiling and gesturing towards the coast.

"Oh, I do. You like riddles Matoro. Try this one. What's white and gold and can't keep a secret to save his life?"

Snap!

My brow twitched as my pencil broke under my irritated hand.

I think I broke a blood vessel or something in my head. This didn't feel healthy…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

After I got off work, I assumed it a good idea to take a short cut to the Coliseum to meet up with the Turaga for the usual report updates and such. Plus, it would probably be best if I report Jaller's nosing around to them. Brilliant as always moron, simply _brilliant_.

The few faces I got were livable, but what hit me next was enough to give me a migraine. Literally.

"Hey Matoro!"

"Wha-?"

Thwack!

Hysterical laughter and pain was all I registered as the rock loaded snowball hit me square in the temple. I fell to my knees and clutched the side of my head with a hiss and gritted teeth. I could feel the telltale signs of blood from the fluid warmth that slowly dribbled down the side of my head.

Ehrye stood off to the side with a few other troublemaking Ko-Matoran, laughing to themselves in obvious amusement. A few passing Matoran gave me concerned looks, but otherwise tried to move on. I guess it's a bad vibe to assist a considerable secret keeping traitor. Though it was a bit hard to mentally confirm the thought with the splitting headache I now had…

"Hey! Knock it off!"

"Run boys!" Ehrye and his band of thugs ran off laughing as Kopeke ran them off with a Kohlii stick in hand. I didn't pay much mind though, too busy picking up my dropped reports.

"Hey, Matoro, you okay? You're bleeding." Kopeke said in concern as he knelt down to me. I simply gave him a small smile in reassurance.

"Yeah, I'm fine Kopeke. Thanks…" I wiped off the blood with a bit of snow and brushed some of my hair over the cut to hide it.

"…you know if Turaga Nuju sees that, he's gonna freak out…" Kopeke said.

"I'll be okay, really. And I have to get going."

"You sure you don't want me to walk with you?" His concern was sweet, really. But…

"I'm okay Kopeke. I'm always okay!" the smiles I keep pulling are starting to get harder and harder to make. But…as long as the others I care about believe them and are happy, it's okay if it hurts.

I'm okay…

"You're…sure?" he persisted. It's odd hearing this from Kopeke.

He's always been so shy, many presumed him cold hearted and mean. But he's honestly just a shy sweetheart. He cares deeply for those who understand him, and we're both comfortable with each other. Nuju often said that I was very good for him. He actually has a few friends besides me now, even outside our Metru!

I'm just glad I was able to make him happy…

I smile kindly at him and pat his shoulder.

"You're really kind Kopeke. Don't ever change, okay?" his face flushed a deep cherry red at my words as I departed, but I didn't bother looking back.

It hurt too much…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

I couldn't take this anymore…

After I had finally reached the Coliseum and gave my report, it seemed I wasn't the only one who got a headache during work hours. Nuju told me about Jaller's outburst at their meeting with Dume and how pissed said Turaga was, but only after…well, something in between I would rather not talk about. And now Jaller had convinced other Matoran to stop working until they got answers.

And apparently Nuju ripped Turaga Matau a new one and decked him hard, ergo the slight bruise on his knuckles. When asked why after recovering from shock, all I got was a grumble and a mumbled statement about…morons, nicknames, and…something about insensitivity? Whatever the case, it was a shock. Enough said.

This all happened about a week ago. And my strength was slowly starting to drain…

I rubbed my temples and moaned as my fingers skimmed over the now healed wound caused by Ehrye's obnoxious pranks. But apparently last week's harassment wasn't enough. Just this afternoon, Ehrye got a few of his friends to help ambush me on my way home outside the Coliseum. This time they had numerous rock loaded snowballs, and the damage wasn't too kind. Mostly my back and a few cuts on my head, but nothing serious.

But Nuju was _beyond_ furious when I fled back inside the Coliseum with numerous cuts and bruises on my body from the attack. If I hadn't practically begged him on my knees not to do anything about it, he probably would have killed Ehrye. He wasn't happy to say the least…

"_I swear to Mata-nui, I'm going to bury that Matoran…"_ he grumbled as he helped patch up the cuts.

"Turaga, it was nothing, I swear…" I was too tired to cause some kind of a ruckus. And my chest was hurting again…

"_Matoro, it is not 'nothing' when a Matoran deliberately harms another. And in such a brutal manner no less! He even dragged those brats in with his little joke!"_ he said.

"Please, just leave it be…it's not the last time I've been bullied by him."

"_It was uncalled for…"_

"…a lot of things are uncalled for. It honestly doesn't surprise me anymore." I said with a sad smile.

I heard Nuju sigh as he finished patching me up and put away the bandages and disinfectant. Nuju didn't feel comfortable letting me go home alone to possibly get jumped and harassed again, so I had no choice but to stay with him in one of the Coliseum dorms. I was just glad it was quiet here. I was tired and mentally exhausted, and in a bit of pain. But I was getting used to it.

I didn't even eat that night. My appetite has been going for the past few weeks, and now it was gone. Plus, I was afraid if I ate something, I wouldn't be able to keep it down. Nuju tried to get me to eat, but I declined. I already had enough on my plate, the last thing I needed was to wake up feeling a Kohlii match going on in my stomach.

Nuju finally seemed to take note of my weariness, and was at first annoyed for the first few days, but now seemed thoroughly concerned. He always said I was like an open book when I was troubled, and it showed even now. I always seemed to be starting off with a distant and saddened gaze in my eyes. He even noticed that they were starting to cloud up and dull, my skin growing paler with each day. He finally cornered me in the 'living room' area and fixed me with a focused gaze.

"_Matoro…is everything alright?"_ he asked.

I gave him a very blank look, simply taking in his form for a moment. A stern and seriously set face, dark blue eyes sharper than Muaka fangs, framed by rimless square glasses with neat, short silver-white hair. His figure wasn't too thin or thick, rather lithe and still strong from his Toa-hood. He's apparently one of the few Turaga out of his team that still likes to spar when he gets a chance.

I once tried to get him to teach me a bit of self-defense. By the end of the day, I had a fractured wrist and a twisted knee, and Nuju got a nice sized purple-black bruise on his abdomen and a bite mark on his arm. When asked about it, we just changed the subject…

I sighed and plopped down onto the couch and pulled my knees up to my chest. He sighed as well and crossed his arms with a saddened gaze.

"_Of course everything isn't alright. That was a stupid question."_ he said with a light smile. He was trying to humor me. It was sweet, but useless.

He seemed to realize this and his smile quickly fell. Instead he sat down beside me and stared at the back wall for a while in thought. It was a good ten minutes of silence, very eerie silence, before I had the strength to speak up. Although, before I even asked this, I knew it was a strange question.

"Is it possible to hate your god?" I asked.

And unsurprisingly, Nuju turned to me with a shocked and confused expression. Quite unlike my usually stoic Turaga. But not unheard of. He's not that all-knowing as some people think or make him out to be. That's just unorthodox…

"_I…what do you mean?"_ I wasn't surprised he didn't answer right away. Who could with THAT kind of question?

"I mean…I know you can hate someone because of something they did, however indirectly or unintentionally," I started, "But you sometimes feel anger towards them. If someone you knew of took something from you and you knew you can't get it back…and you hate that person, even though he isn't doing it on purpose…" My eyes glazed slightly and I seemed to stare off briefly before continuing.

"So…if the situation applies…can you hate your god?" I asked.

Again, the shock and slight confusion on his face isn't a surprise. But it slowly forms into a contemplative look of deep thought. He looked away at the ground for a moment, seemingly thinking of my question. I didn't bother asking if he understood or not, he seemed to be considering an answer, and quite frankly, I could use one right about now.

"_Well…I…suppose it's possible. I mean, Mata-nui is in a way someone we know, however not physically. But I suppose if we can worship him, we can resent him."_ He said.

"Does…" I paused, hesitant, "Does that make me a bad person…?"

I didn't notice his shell-shocked gaze at my words, I was too busy trying to mentally force my eyes from shedding tears.

"_What…? No…" _Nuju said, sounding stunned, _"No, of course not Matoro, you are anything but a bad person! I…honestly, no one can blame you for thinking like this, especially in this situation…" _he said.

I barely felt him place a warm hand over my hunched back. I nodded absently, suddenly feeling tired and cold. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my chest, but at the same time, it still felt like a burden was weighing me down. It hurts, but I blamed the pain on something else…

Nuju was giving me a concerned look. Was my face flushed again?

"_Why do you ask such a thing?"_ he asked.

"…just…," I shut my eyes in mental exhaustion, "A little thought…"

I didn't see his expression, but I felt the couch shift a bit as he moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I tucked myself flush into his warm body and just sat there, taking in his comforting presence. His scent, like musky winter air, was familiar and comforting to me. And I could faintly hear his calming heartbeat against my ear. It sounded…familiar…my dream…

'_My dream…I don't want to dream again…'_ I thought drowsily. But it seems Nuju didn't get my mental message, as his hand eventually came up to gently run through my hair. My drained mental state plus the soothing stroking was making me tired. But if I fell asleep…

'_Please…don't take him away…'_

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

I'm falling again…

The sound of a heartbeat is still the only thing I hear. I can't do anything except fall to…somewhere. I never did figure out what was at the bottom of this waterfall. Or if there even is an end to it. But something feels different. Like I'm holding something…

'_It's…warm…'_ I looked into my arms, but I don't see anything but this orb of light, far too bright to see an actual shape in it. But I could feel the general shape in my hands; a mask. A strange mask at that. I've never felt this design or this…power surging through it. It made my chest feel light and lofty, and my head heavy and bleary.

And my body…it was disappearing…

'_Why am I…vanishing? What's happening? What does this mean!?'_ I thought. I screwed my eyes shut and clutched the mask to my chest in frustration. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to wake up. I wanted to see Nuju. I didn't want this anguish anymore!

"_Matoro…"_ wait…that voice…

"Nuju…?" I open my eyes, and sure enough, he's right there in front of me. Everything looked like it was in a stand-still, like someone hit the pause button. We're just 'standing' upside down and looking at each other. My heart raced in my chest as he smiled at me, holding out his hand.

"_Please, will you come with me?"_ he asked.

I stared at him and then his hand in turn in surprise. This wasn't a part of my dream. I usually wake up at this point, not see Nuju! But…for some reason…

I raised my right hand up, looking through my now transparent fingers curiously and then at Nuju again. His kind smile made my chest throb painfully. He wanted me to go with him to…where?

'_Does it matter?'_ I asked myself. This is a dream…why not enjoy it while I can?

I eagerly reached out for his hand with my own, slowly starting to let go of the mask. But just as our fingers were about to touch, I froze. His hand…it was vanishing too…why?

I pulled my hand back a little, and as I did so, his hand became solid again. I moved towards him again, and he became transparent like me, his smile never faltering. It was me…I was making him vanish?

'_How…is it just me…?'_ I thought. My hand just hovered near his as I lowered my gaze in thought. My body was still transparent, and Nuju's only partly. I'm causing it…but I'm also fixing it if I…move away?

'_Do I…have to leave him?'_ I thought.

'_Let him go…'_ something in my head said, _'Or perish with him.'_

Let him go…or perish with him? What did this mean?

_Isn't it obvious?_

'_Either go with him and destroy him and yourself…or let him go and perish yourself. Alone…'_ I bit my lip at this. Yes, either I vanish alone, or take Nuju with me. But…I would never condemn him to something so cruel. I'd rather just go alone and let him live on. It's not fair to him to just take him down with me…

Was that what this dream was about? About me bringing Nuju down with me? Dying with me…?

Dying…

Yes…all of us are going to die. Mata-nui was taking us all with him…or was he? Was there a way to save everyone by sacrificing one? A way to save Nuju…?

'_Let all others live by dying, or die with someone you love. But in the end, he will die if you choose the latter…'_

That's right…I'm supposed to do something. This dream is proof of that. Nuju once told me about visions manifesting in long term dreams. He said to always trust my own judgment, to believe in myself when it comes to the ones I love.

But…is this right? To just leave him…?

I looked up at Nuju again, my grip tightening on the mask. He's still smiling at me, but more sadly, as if he knows what I'm thinking of choosing. His hand is still held out hopefully though, and I so want to take it. But…

'_More than anything, I want him to live…even if I have to die to make it happen…I want him to be happy…'_ I sighed and held the mask to my chest again, shaking my head with a sad smile.

"I can't…" I pulled my hand away and watched him carefully. He simply lowered his hand and sighed quietly, seemingly understanding.

"_So this is your choice…"_ he said. I nodded.

"Yes…and…" I clutched the mask tightly and looked him in the eye, "I'm not sorry for it…"

He only nodded sadly and stepped back slightly, regaining his solid form. And as if someone hit the 'play' button, everything moved on. I fell through the waterfall, but Nuju never left his spot. Now too far down to see him, I held the mask tightly to my chest and faced towards the unseen end of my fall.

Falling faster and faster, I was gaining momentum. My form was changing, glowing brighter with the mask I held. I felt lighter now, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. There's no pain, just…me, and my memories…

I smiled.

"I'm not sorry…" I said.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

My eyes shot open just as my dream self was about to collide with the bottom of the fall. I stared up at the ceiling of…where was I?

'_Oh…that's right. I'm in the Coliseum with Nuju…'_ I thought.

I blinked away my sleep and sat up, realizing I was lying in a bed, not the couch I last remembered sitting on. Did I fall asleep?

Looking at the bedside clock, I realized thatI did, in fact, fall asleep. But I had only slept for about two and a half hours. It was barely close to midnight.

I felt something shift beside me and I turned to my right side to see what it was. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Nuju fast asleep above the covers beside me, a book lying on his chest and his glasses still on. I blinked at him for a moment is surprise.

Well…this was a new turn of events. But not unwelcome or unheard of. Nuju and I have slept in the same bed plenty of times during terrible blizzards to stay warm. It was natural for Ko-Matoran to pair up with friends or family to stay warm at night when needed.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, suddenly wide awake and shockingly energetic. I didn't feel as pained or apathetic as I was this morning, and that annoying headache was gone as well.

'_Guess I just needed some sleep…'_ I thought. But…the dream was still so vivid and fresh in my mind. It was odd considering I, and I'm pretty sure many others, don't normally remember dreams when awake. Did it really mean something…?

'_I'm getting ahead of myself…'_ I thought.

I stretched my arms and swung my legs off of the bed. I noticed my boots and jacket were gone and set neatly by the door. I looked back at Nuju at this. He must have removed my jacket and boots, and on top of that put me to bed!

I couldn't help but smile at him as I stood up. He really was too kind to me sometimes. But he's also an idiot. Really, falling asleep while still fully clothed and still wearing your glasses? I swear, if I wasn't always around to babysit him…

I sighed and moved to his side of the bed. Trying my best not to wake him, I removed the book from his chest, noting the title with a raised brow._ '__How to communicate with your teenager for idiots__'._

'…_well that was random…'_ I thought.

Tossing his odd choice of a book aside on the bedside table, I managed to remove his glasses carefully enough not to wake him and set them with the book. I made a mental note to ask him about that book later.

But in the meantime, I was somewhat regretting waking up. I was too wide awake and unable to find it in me to go back to sleep. It felt like that time I drank five caffeinated mochas in one night…just without the excessive trembling and twitching…and the vibrating…yeah it's all a blur now…

I shook the thought away when I remembered something. I frowned and looked around. That's right, I woke up. But something _made_ me wake up. I just can't remember what I heard that woke me.

My head snapped to the side when I heard it again, this time at our window. Like someone was…knocking?

Clunk, clunk, clunk!

I frowned deeply when I noticed a small shadow along the window's edge. And being as cautious as I am, I 'borrowed' Nuju's staff and slowly crept to the window. My hunter's training kicked in rather instinctively as I approached. I carefully gripped the latch and threw it open before jumping in front of whatever was out there.

"AH!"

"Gah!" I dropped the staff and clapped my hands over my mouth, staring at the Le-Matoran hanging onto the window ledge via climbing rope and hook.

"Uh…hi!" Kongu said with a sheepish wave.

I take it back. _This_ is random.

I sighed in exasperation and tried to calm my frantic heartbeat, glaring at Kongu.

"What are you doing? Do you have any idea what time it is?" I hissed as quietly as I could without waking Nuju.

"Close to midnight, yes? But anyways, we can't speak-talk here. You need to quick-hurry down to the front." Kongu said.

I frowned at him deeply at his statement. We? Who's this 'we'?

I looked past him and down at the ground below. The sight was enough to make me groan in annoyance.

"Don't…move…" I hissed, shutting the window.

"Um…okay. I'll just wait here then…" Kongu said sheepishly, still dangling from the window ledge.

I ignored him and quickly strapped on my boots and coat. But I paused in the doorway and looked back at Nuju. Should I wake him and tell him? Should I just ignore them?

I placed a hand over my faintly glowing heart-stone, _'No…something…something's telling me I need to do this…'_ I sighed and swiftly retied my hair up. Really, I think I should get it cut…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Ridiculous. This was beyond _ridiculous…_

"So…will you help us?" Jaller asked.

I stood before him and his little posse stiffly, arms crossed, face in a frown, and eyes boring into his. Really, Turaga Matau once said if it didn't make me look cute, I would have looked just like Nuju when he was scolding someone. Cute, right…

"Okay…let me see if I get this straight…" I start carefully, "You all want to go out of the city against the Turaga's wishes, go to an island Turaga Nokama apparently told you about, find and assist, if not rescue, the Toa Nuva from impending doom, and possibly get killed?"

Jaller shifted uneasily from foot to foot at this, the others seemingly trying to contemplate my own words and logic.

"Well…when you say it like _that_, I mean, it does sound a bit…" I cut Hewkii off with a raised brow.

"Stupid?" I asked.

"Matoro, please, we all know this is a bit…well, weird, but we need your help in this." Hahli said. My eyes narrowed at this.

"Why? Because I hold information you could use? I know I wasn't your first choice." I said.

My words were confirmed when Jaller looked away sheepishly with that guilty look in his eyes. And granted, I wasn't surprised. I'm no warrior, athlete, or anything like that. Ehrye always seemed to refer to me as a 'Turaga's pet'. Although that may have some standing, I'm no one's pet.

I happen to _like_ my job. I loved my freedom to go places with someone I care about. I loved experiencing new sights, sounds, and smells. I loved waking up every day not knowing what was going to happen next.

I simply loved life to death, as Nuju once told me.

"Look…I know I'm not exactly your most favorite friend, but-"

"This isn't about you or me, Jaller…" I said at length, trying to think. The others seemed to notice this and fell into a hush.

I looked back to the building behind me housing my sleeping Turaga with a distant gaze, my chest tightening again. For some reason, it felt like I had to get away from there, even though I so dearly wanted to go back to him again. But…this was too much like my dream. A choice had to be made, and I had to choose the lesser of the two evils…

'_Nuju…what would you do? Please, tell me…'_ I thought. I shut my eyes and sighed deeply.

I wanted to stay. But I had to leave. I knew I had to leave, but I also had a choice in staying. I don't know how, but I just do. Like destiny…

My eyes slowly opened, something clicking inside me, and I looked at Jaller square in the eye.

"…I'll go with you." I said simply.

"Wh-what? Really?" Takanuva asked in shock. I only nodded and pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear.

"Yes. But I need an hour before we can leave. That's my only condition." I said. Jaller frowned and crossed his arms.

"How can we trust that you're not just going to tell your Turaga about this?" he asked.

I think the look I gave him was enough proof he needed. He visibly looked concerned as I observed my reflection in his eyes. That smile…it was such a terrible lie. And those blue eyes were just oh so terribly trapped behind a wall. And a face forever held behind a mask. How can I still look at this reflection and smile like that…?

"Because Jaller, I'm not doing this for you…" I said, "I'll meet you at the Chutes." I added before hastily making my way back into the Coliseum to collect a few things.

And say my goodbyes…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

My bag sat by my feet as I added the last few words to the letter. My hands never faltered even though I knew full well what was going to take place, and what would possibly happen to me. In fact, I knew it wasn't a possibility. It was written in stone. It was _going_ to happen…

But I didn't mind…

Enclosing the letter in an envelope and sealing it tight, I looked up at my reflection once again. The scissors by my hand lay in a pile of my cut blue-white hair, and my image had undoubtedly changed. It wasn't too short, but not too long either. But it also wasn't me anymore. Just a means of trying to ease whatever fear or hesitation I had in me. Cutting away the past one might say.

I had changed into more flexible clothes and stronger armor as well. I knew the journey wasn't going to be an easy one, and I wasn't stupid enough to go out and have a disadvantage just because I didn't dress properly for a long trek.

Now I just needed to deliver the letter then return here…

But before any of that, I had to give a special 'thank you' to a certain Matoran…

Finding him was no chore. All I had to do was go to the most dingy place in Ko-metru. Case in point, the classic area behind a restaurant where he's found smoking with a few of his friends.

"So I say to the guy, hey, if you're not gonna use the damn thing, why bother pawning it off the guy in the first place?" one of his friends looked up, seeing me a few feet off.

"Hey Ehrye, looks like our favorite princess is back for round two." He cackled.

Princess, to them, was a rather suitable nickname for me ever since I met Ehrye. Though I wasn't surprised he used such a feminine name for me. I'll admit I'm not the most…masculine Ko-Matoran around, but let's face it, an insult to your gender is an insult to your gender no matter how you slice it.

And since I was going away now, well…

"Hey Matoro! Buddy! Whatcha doin' out here all alone?" I didn't let that sly smirk pass me by. I sighed and crossed my arms.

"I'm simply here to regard a last word, so to speak." I stated as they approached me. I didn't show or feel any sign of intimidation.

"Really? You didn't just come here to play with us?" he blew out a puff of smoke and held his cigarette in one hand, "Dude, did you cut your hair? What the heck man? You were pretty when it was long!"

"So I've been told," Surprising them, I snatched his cigarette away and sucked it down to the nub, holding it in for a moment, "But I didn't come here to be gushed over."

I blew the smoke in his face and dropped the bud to the ground before crushing it under my foot, Ehrye's gaze following it. He blinked and frowned before bringing his head back up slightly.

"Well if that's true, then you must have come here to-"

He didn't get to finish. My fist had already connected with his face, particularly between the eyes and the bridge of his nose. I didn't miss the slight cracking sound it emitted, confirming my goal of breaking his nose. His little buddies were too stunned to do anything but gape as he cried out in pain and fell back on his rear, clutching his face and whining like the brat he was.

"Augh! What the hell man!? Why the hell did you do that!?" he snapped. I simply held my head high and dropped my arms to my side with a disgusted huff.

"Consider us even now. Now you can get on with your miserable excuse for a life and be proud of yourself." I stepped over him, my feet planted firmly on either side of his torso, and looked down to him, glaring sharply as if I was staring at a pile of maggot infested crap.

"You make me sick. It's trash like you that make me want to spit. It's no wonder why you're disliked by so many with your _charming_ personality. You should be thankful I'm even wasting my breath on you…" He and his friends grew even more intimidated as I shifted my jacket back to reveal the dagger strapped to my hip, dragging my finger over the blade.

"P-please Matoro…w-we were just-"

"I-it was all Ehrye's idea man!" one of his friends cut him off, causing him to turn to him in true shock.

"Y-yeah! H-he made us do it! He told us to throw those rocks at you! We didn't wanna do it!" his second friend added. Ehrye looked on in disbelief at this while I remained standing firm.

"Do you think I give a damn whose idea it was? Now scram before I cut you all and use you as bait!" _That_ scared them off, but I kept Ehrye pinned with my foot over his chest.

Once they were gone, Ehrye started to panic, eyes shining with tears of fright and disbelief. He honestly believed his so called 'friends' would defend him.

"P-please Matoro! I-I'm sorry! I promise, I _swear_ I won't bother you anymore! I'll do anything!" he cried.

"It's going to take a hell more than that to take back what you've treated me with! You think a frightened apology is going to fix things!? You think I'll just walk out of here and forgive you!? I should just finish you off and leave you in the gutter like the rat you are!" I snapped. He sobbed and shut his eyes in fear, trembling like the coward he is.

"But I won't…"

My gaze softened as he snapped his head up at me in surprise and fright. I sighed and kneeled down to him, taking a rag out of my pocket and holding it out for him.

"Don't look at me like that you ass. It's going to take a lot more than that for me to feel sorry for you." I said.

Hesitantly, he took the rag and wiped off the blood flowing from his nose. He was still staring at me with wide, frightened eyes, but confusion played a big role in them as well. I simply looked back at him with a blank expression. Not one of hate, anger, or resentment; just nothing.

Finally wiping his eyes of frightened tears and stopping the blood flow, Ehrye fixed me with his confused gaze.

"Wh-why…?" was all he could possibly ask. He flinched when I did nothing but simply smile softly at him.

"Because, I refuse to carry anger with me to my end. I can't hate anyone, not even you. I don't want to hate anyone anymore." I said softly.

He continued to stare at me in confusion even as I stood up. And I wasn't lying; I truly didn't want to hate anymore. I simply couldn't hate anyone anymore, not like this, not under these circumstances. I don't want to hate anymore…

"Goodbye Ehrye. And please, promise me you'll do the right thing from now on." I said. He slowly nodded at me, still quite perplexed, but the nod was all I needed.

I smiled at him one last time and left for my second destination…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Knocking on his door wasn't too hard of a job. It was speaking clearly when he answered with bleary eyes that nearly seemed impossible.

"Uhn, Matoro? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night…" Kopeke said, rubbing away the last traces of sleep from his eyes.

"Kopeke…" Something must have been in my voice, because immediately, his full attention was on me in surprise.

"Whoa…Matoro, did you cut your hair?" he asked. Oh…that's what he noticed.

"Yes, but that's not why I'm here. I need you to do me a favor…" I held up the letter as I explained…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Now all that was left was to say goodbye…

I picked up my bag deftly, slinging it over my shoulder before sprinting back to the Coliseum and creeping back into my Turaga's room. He was still fast asleep, undisturbed, and untouched. The sight made my insides lurch, but I gave no indication of it. I simply tip toed closer to him until I was at his bedside and sitting on the edge as carefully as possible, just looking at him.

His light breathing could just barely be heard, his chest rising and falling steadily with each breath. Calm, serene, almost in a slow motion, would describe this moment. They were the last few seconds I would spend with my Turaga. It was so hard to believe, that this was going to be the last time I see him…

'_But this is for the best…it's all for you, and no one else.'_ I thought. I felt heat rising into my throat and eyes, immediately forcing the sensations away with a calming deep breath. I gazed at Nuju distantly and cupped his cheek gently.

'_I'm not sorry for this…'_ I leant down, and with the touch of a phantom butterfly, kissed his cheek briefly with cold lips. Even as I pulled away, I couldn't stop the tears flooding my sight, even as I smiled down at him…

'_But I only hope that you can forgive me for this.'_ I finally stood, not even bothering to look back, and simply _left…_

And I _wasn't_ sorry…


	2. Never Forgive

**Never Forgive**

_A/N~ And second part to my three-shot. Be sure to read 'Never Forget' first before this! Well, actually, now that I look at the first two, you can pretty much read any one of them first. Hm…interesting._

_**A/N 2~ **__Now edited!_

Summary: Nuju's overrun concern for his little Matoran takes drastic turns. While Matoro deals with his own demons, Nuju takes it upon himself to slay those demons and find the courage to tell the Matoran what he really feels…

HUMANIZED!Bionicle ahead! Part of a three-shot!

Takes place during 'Never Forget'. Switched POV.

Enjoy.

Nuju's POV

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

He was so calm and detached, as if the very words Dume spoke had stolen his emotional mind in one fell swoop. To the others, it was saddening. To me…it tore my heart in two.

But by the time it was confirmed that Mata-nui was dying, it was already too late, and too much for us all. Especially little Matoro.

I absolutely _hated_ seeing him so withdrawn, frightened, depressed even. But I could do little to nothing since I was needed with the other Turaga. I honestly would rather cast them aside and be with Matoro to reassure and comfort him. He was obviously distressed, and for numerous reasons…

Matoro wasn't supposed to carry such burdens anymore. He was supposed to feel that weight be lifted the moment we revealed the truth to the Matoran of Metru-nui. He was supposed to be able to breathe again, to rest easy without guilt, and finally smile happily again.

But he can't…

Instead, he gets dealt the worst card of the whole game. Matoro would probably rather have held all those old secrets instead of this. The knowledge of his own death, how it would happen, and why.

And what's worse is that even before the news of our coming death, he endured pain…

I never thought I would come to regret making Matoro my apprentice like this. Never did I think that the consequences he would face would make me feel such guilt…

Shunned by his own fellow Matoran, isolated by his own loneliness, and still trying to smile for me. It tore at my cold heart to see him like this and still try to put on a strong front for me and the few others that still remained his friend. I know he thinks I can't see his pain, but there's one thing that always betrays his face…

His eyes, so full of emotion, so bright with hopes and dreams, twin orbs aglow with an unbreakable will. They would always be his downfall. They were a beautiful, aquamarine blue, gentle and kind to those who gazed upon them. I suppose this is yet another trait that got him where he is today. Ko-Matoran were not supposed to look kind, seem considerate; they must always be as cold and hard as the ice in which we live in. His eyes made his people question him, and eventually his other traits separated him from them.

Ko-Matoran were naturally loners by choice. Matoro didn't have a choice in his loneliness. He was simply a lonely black sheep forced out of his flock…

And he still smiled and said, _'It's okay. I'm fine.'_

He's such a liar. Such a terrible, awful, kind liar. He cannot hold this mask to his face forever, that's something I'd never wish upon him. It isn't fair to him at all, especially with what is to come.

The few times I've been with him were never very…well, punctual. We were always either with the other Turaga in a meeting, or when we were alone, he'd find an excuse to run off and work. As if he was afraid, afraid to be near me. And I couldn't blame him. It's…painful to be near someone you care about and knowing that they, along with yourself, are going to die.

The poor Matoran was obviously distraught. But no one bothers to look past the mask and into those sad, beautiful eyes. I and only a select few even bother to give him a second glance. This only makes me so much more saddened for the Matoran I've come to love as my own son.

Even as I silently watch him ruffle through a few blueprints on tower reconstruction, I can't help but want to tell him this, but I keep myself silent. If it's anything Matoro despises, its pity towards himself. He'd gladly stop to help someone in need, but feels he doesn't deserve equal treatment of the sort. He's so kind, yet so unaware of how much he is to the world, of how much he is loved.

'_Say something you fool…'_ My fists curl into loose fists on my desk, mentally gathering the courage to speak.

"_Matoro…"_ That's it? A million things I could say to my little Matoran and all that comes out is his name in such a feeble way? And did he just flinch?

"Yes?" he still isn't looking at me. How I wish he would stop hiding and just let it out. It's so painful watching him suffer by bottling all of this up, especially when it's so obvious that it's leaking out in subtle waves of sadness and grief. Even fear…

I finally work up the gall to stand and carefully stride up behind him. I just barely caught him shuddering, whether from the cold or fear, I didn't know.

"_You're troubled…"_ Again, why exactly wasn't my mouth working in sync with my brain now of all times?

"Oh?" His short answers weren't exactly helping either, I thought with a sigh. But I knew I had to take this slow if I wanted him to finally let go and _breathe_ without feeling like the very action would summon Makuta himself.

"_Matoro…I-"_

"I have to go now. The others are waiting you know." He finally turns, and with that smile, that damned lie, upon his face. The sheer jolt I gained from such a strange combination of emotions was baffling to me, and I'm sure I was showing it. Crying eyes mixed with a sweet, reassuring smile…

"I'll see you in a few hours…" were his departing words as he sped out my door, out of my reach, and away from the safety and reassurance I was so willing to give him. He just ran off and into the battlefield that was life.

I stood in front of the desk he was moments ago hovering over, as if frozen. But I wasn't, I was simply too disoriented to move or go after him, even with my mind screaming at me to do so. He had cast his spell of paralysis over me, preventing me from running to him, preventing me from _protecting _him.

No, if I forced him to sit and talk with me, he'd only bottle himself up more. It was in his nature, to seem okay when the world is seemingly falling apart, just so he could reassure _me_ and put his own mind and emotions through hell.

My eyes flickered up to stare at the slowly melting candle before me. It was just like Matoro. He has such a powerful, burning will inside himself. He used to be such a spit of fire; he could be like an unstoppable force of nature should he choose. And it was this trait that drew me to him in the first place.

Willpower…one of the very virtues of Ko-Matoran. Matoro had the most powerful will I have ever seen, and I had yet to see it falter. It is this willpower that gave him the strength to smile and lie like this, and I was completely unsure if I should feel proud or remorseful of this.

But even so, the walls he builds around his emotions will start to melt as that will slowly burns out. Eventually, the flame will go out, and the dam will burst. I didn't want him to reach so far to that point, but I knew that time was the only thing I had with me to let him talk to me. I just had to wait, even if it pained us both.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

"That's not good enough!"

Odd, these same words were running through my head as the young Ta-Matoran continued his little tantrum in our meeting chamber, his companion of light standing off to the side timidly. I remained a pair of eyes in the background, not really focusing on the meeting or anything, not sparing a glance even as Jaller threw his tool on the ground and kicked it to Dume's feet.

By now, I'm usually conducting an imaginary betting pool in my head, this one leaning towards how big or small a chance Jaller was going to get his own head knocked off his shoulders if Dume lost his temper. Which usually happens most of the time. Ta-Matoran and Turaga of the fire tribe seriously need to take a leaf from us Ko on emotional control.

Jaller was being a rather prime example of exactly why right about now, even as he stormed out with a rather meek looking Takanuva.

It was good and silent for a long while, I was wondering if I had gone deaf for a moment. Dume usually doesn't remain this 'dormant' after such a shake like-

"That pompous little _brat_…!"

Never mind, there it is. Volcano went off. Hot as a rocket. Boom.

We ignored Dume's ranting and claims on showing Jaller just what they did to brats like him in his own time. If he kept his word on these threats, I pray Mata-nui has mercy on Jaller's soul.

But in all seriousness, this was getting out of hand. The last thing we needed was for the Matoran to start boycotting just because Jaller chose now to be a rat. Yes, we know we should tell the Matoran, but the result could be a mass panic. The truth is sometimes too much for one Matoran to handle, let alone hundreds…

'_One Matoran…now I sound like a hypocrite…'_ I thought with a sigh.

Apparently my sigh was enough to catch Vakama's attention off to my left, my fire counterpart eyeing me in concern. Even with Dume's ranting and pacing still going on in the background, it seemed like we were used to it enough to go on with it playing in the back of our minds.

"Everything alright?" he asked. He's trying to make small talk…why aren't I irritated about this?

I frown slightly at the odd choice of questions. Our city and world is about to be destroyed, a single Matoran is probably going to go far enough to stop the reconstruction of our city in one fell swoop, our Toa are still not here, and time is running out…

And oddly enough, none of that mattered. What mattered is the single Ko-Matoran working a few miles away from where I sat and possibly on the verge of tears in his mental state. How does he _think_ I feel!?

I heard him sigh, "Well, so much for not sounding like an idiot…" he said with a slightly embarrassed smile.

The statement and expression actually made me smirk faintly. Well, he always managed to say something smart after saying something stupid I suppose.

"So…how's Matoro?" He asked.

"Yes, how is our little snow-rabbit?" how is it Matau manages to butt into pretty much every single private conversation even though he was, just moments ago, sitting three chairs down from us and now to my right? His ability to create these weird plot holes is baffling.

And really, just why is he, including the other Turaga at times, still using that ridiculous nickname they christened him years ago? It's outright degrading! Snow-rabbit, honestly, the child blushes every time they call him such. Matau certainly enjoyed poking fun out of my shy Matoran, the damned pervert. And it didn't help that the others more or less found it actually cute. But I was at least thankful Vakama and Nokama didn't participate in the other's childish antics…although I'll never admit that I find the nickname adorable. _Never_…

"_He…could be better I suppose…"_ was my response.

Vakama nodded sympathetically. I was thankful at least he, next to Nokama, could slightly recognize what I'm saying. But I'm guessing this time it was my bleak expression and uncertain tone that mostly gave it away.

"Poor thing…" Said Vakama.

"Oh, so the little rabbit is getting sad-down?" Seriously, if Matau doesn't shut up and mind his own business, I'm going to do something very stupid.

"Matau, don't pry." Vakama chided. At least he has some sense…

"What? I'm curious!"

"_Curiosity killed the cat…"_ I stated blandly. Matau gave me his usual blank look. Idiot…

"…I have no thought-idea what you speak-said, but I think it was an insult. So I have the right to speak-call you a jerk!"

Brow is twitching. Urge to bite his head off increasing. Take it easy Nuju, he's not worth your wrath. He's just another idiot with idiotic thoughts and idiotic assumptions. Idiots can't help being what they are. It's just not in their power to use their brains…

"Hey, I bet some personal-quality time with his uncle Matau would happy-cheer him up! I know this fantastic-great place that makes food to die for!"

"Matau…"

Must…resist…urges…

"Oh come on Vakama, you know it's heart-true. Frosty here is probably getting him all down with this stuff."

Resistance is failing…

"Matau, just be quiet before he rips your throat out!" Vakama hissed.

"Ew, that's gross-icky…"

Hand twitching, urge to strangle is _devouring_ patience…

"Just drop it Matau…"

"Hmph, 'least I know how to keep a kid happy."

That _tears it!_

"Hm? Hey Nuju, what are you-?"

SMACK!

I didn't notice or give a damn, but it seems the ranting and bored silence was gone and all eyes were on me as I decked Matau a good three yards out of his chair and onto the floor. But I was too busy controlling my outrage and heaving over him with bared teeth and a slightly scuffed hand.

How…_dare_ he!? He honestly believes he could keep someone like _my_ Matoro happy!? He really thinks that Matoro is better off with someone like _him!?_ He could never reach the concept of trying to raise someone like Matoro! How dare he even _consider_ the idea that I'm doing so poorly with Matoro when he himself can't even keep a damn goldfish alive for more than three days!

Especially if he even thinks he can handle understanding or accepting the things Matoro went through as a young Matoran…especially now…

I bit my lip and clenched my fists tightly, taking in a deep breath before releasing it in a shaky sigh. I looked over at Matau and his bleeding nose and shocked expression.

If all that was true…then what was I doing here? Why am I working here instead of at home giving Matoro some closure? Matau has no problem throwing his duties away to do something else. I, however…

'_Maybe I'm not as great for Matoro as I think…'_ I thought. I sighed and my shoulders sagged.

"_Screw this, I'm going home."_ I snapped.

I turned on my heels and promptly left, leaving a group of stunned Turaga in my wake, and hopefully a good impression on a certain green moron for future reference.

'_Stupid son of a…ugh, damn that Matau and his-' _

"Whoa!"

"Oof!"

My thoughts were promptly cut off as one of the main focuses of my anger promptly bumped into me, quite hard I might add, as I turned a corner, resulting in the mess of papers around the floor.

"O-oh shoot, I'm sorry Turaga!" the startled Matoran proceeds with his apologize.

"_No, I wasn't looking. Um, here…"_

"N-no, I got it."

"_Just let me help, it's partly my fault-"_ I paused when my gaze shifted to Matoro's face, particularly the faint red spot hidden by his long hair along his temple. I frowned and leaned a bit closer to him.

"_Matoro…"_ I noticed him stiffen at my tone, and took note of his downcast gaze.

"Yes?" he responded. It was forced, choked. My frown deepened as I carefully reached over and brushed the hair away from the side of his head.

"_Matoro, what the hell happened? You're bleeding!"_ I instinctively reached into my pocket and took out a handkerchief, wiping the wound of the blood.

"It's nothing. I tripped and hit my head on a rock on the way here. I'm fine." My mind instantly deduced his words as pure lies. It was too forced. Too much of a coincidence to me. And the cut itself was diagonal. If he had fallen, it would be horizontal if he fell on a rock. Someone did this to him!

"_Matoro, don't lie! Who the hell did this?"_ I demanded.

"No one did anything. It was an accident." Stop lying…

"_This wasn't an accident. Just tell me what happened!"_

"Nothing happened. I'm okay." Please stop…!

"_Matoro, you're seriously starting to worry me! You've already been on a few bad ends with other Matoran, and if they are intentionally hurting you, they must be corrected!"_

"It's fine, please!"

"_Matoro-"_

"**Leave it!**"

The startled, almost strangled and shrill statement was enough to loosen my expression and stare at the flustered Matoran before me, surprised. Matoro almost never raised his voice at me without a good reason, especially sounding so frightened…

"_Matoro…?"_ I started carefully in concern, watching the Matoran.

He was trembling. His thin frame was shaking with built up tension, as if he was on the verge of bursting. His upper teeth were digging into his lower lip harshly; they looked close to bleeding. His eyes were screwed shut and his hands were balled into tight fists wrapped around his small form, his bony fingers digging into his upper arms. If I were anyone else, I'd think he was deliberately hurting himself!

But I knew this state; I once had it a few times in my youth after Ihu died. He was holding back his tears, his emotions, the pain, the fear, _everything_.

A moment passed, that one small moment lasted as long as that small glimpse into Matoro's distressed heart, before it was gone in a puff of one soft, long sigh from the Matoran's bruised lips. I watched in near fascination as Matoro's narrow shoulders gave one last shudder before sagging, his complexion flushed and long bangs partly covering his face.

Hm, maybe he did need that haircut he was talking about, but I'd be damned if I let him get rid of all that lovely hair. It was fun to get him all riled up over me touching his hair or play with his ponytail.

But in all seriousness, my worry for him only seemed to increase tenfold when his arms finally dropped to his sides limply. Almost hopelessly. He looked like a broken doll…

He looked up at me and smiled weakly. Why must he still continue to lie to me like this?

"Sorry, I've been kind of stressed with the move…" he picked up the remaining papers and stood, "I'll meet you at home. I have to get these reports to Turaga Dume."

He finally brushed past me, and the sudden urge to blindly reach out and secure him in my arms was nearly impossible to resist. What stopped me, however, was the aura radiating off of my little Matoran's frame as he passed me…

'_What…is this?' _I thought.

It felt like an epiphany, a startling sensation that made my heart race in fear. This cold, haunting sensation he radiated was sucked into my bones, and before I knew it, I felt like I had just lost something precious to me. It only left my startled body only when Matoro was a good ten feet away from me.

Away from me…

My hands clenched into tight fists and I bit my lip much like Matoro did a moment ago. This feeling…it was awful; sickening even. This feeling of sudden loss that entered and left my body in what felt like long minutes, but only lasted a fraction of a second. It was like a corpse-cold hand had suddenly gripped my heart and refused to let go. And its diseased hand was unleashing an infection into my heart, spreading to my bloodstream and blooding my body with this plague.

Something was wrong. Something was _wrong_ with my Matoro. But I didn't know what. But what I did know was that this had to stop. I couldn't just keep waiting around for Matoro to speak before he became so depressed that he'd-

'_Wait, what am I thinking!? He'd never hurt himself!'_ I shook my head and had the urge to kick myself.

No, Matoro would _never_ hurt himself on purpose, let alone…do something more drastic. He wouldn't…would he?

'_No…no, he wouldn't. I just have to be there for him now. I can't keep leaving him to his own devices anymore.'_ I had made up my mind, now all I had to do was try and get Matoro to do the same and stop lying and running away from me…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

It's been a week since then, and still, my poor little Matoran is still lying…

I finally seemed to lose all patience in myself and only wished to take Matoro into my arms and never let go. It was just too much. The energy he usually radiated, so full of spirit and strong hearted willpower, was gone and replaced with that eerie sense of loss and hopelessness. His complexion was always a bit pale, but now he was white as a sheep, so sickly looking.

His appetite had slowly been going over the past week, but today he had stopped eating altogether. It seemed his addiction to coffee had also gone, which was beyond worrisome to me. Matoro without his caffeine might as well be a mindless Vahki.

Probably worst of all was his lack of back talk to me. There was a reason he got away with being a brat to me and still kept his job, and people often questioned why I even hired Matoro in the first place…

I keep Matoro around not just for my deep fondness for him, but also because he isn't afraid. He is probably the only Matoran I know who isn't afraid to look me in the eye with a smarmy smirk and tell me outright that I was wrong.

He was _not_ afraid to tell me I was an idiot, he was _not_ the least bit afraid of telling me to piss off, and nor was he afraid of getting me mad enough to strike him over the head. He took it all in stride, and would later let his own ego swell when I go crawling back to him out of guilt.

I spoilt him rotten in his swagger and liked him that way…

But all of that was gone though…

He was tired, saddened, distraught, and yet he still had the weakened strength in him to keep working and lie with that smile. Even if it was just a lie, a farce, it only made my fondness for him grow even more.

Mata-nui bless his soul, he only wanted what was best for others, even if they shunned him, and would leave himself in turmoil if it meant keeping others happy.

Always smiling, always laughing, always happy…

But I digressed, as Matoro had once again slipped away too fast for me to catch him. I cursed myself for being so slow and idiotic as he sprinted out the door of the Coliseum. If I didn't get through to him soon, I fear I may lose him permanently…

'_What am I going to do?'_ I thought. No sooner was it interrupted by a startled cry from outside.

"Hahaha! Get him boys!"

Was that…Ehrye? And that cry…Matoro. What the hell? Was he doing something to Matoro!?

'_Bastard…!'_ I shot up from my seat in the main lobby area and marched for the door.

I wasn't even four feet from it before the doors burst open and Matoro came tumbling in, falling to his knees as a snowball hit him in the side. But it was what fell out of the crumbled snowball that set my anger on high. Suddenly that cut I saw on Matoro's head a week back made sense, and the sudden urge to kill Ehrye was looking rather appealing.

"_You're dead Ehrye!"_ I snapped marching around Matoro and outside the door. I easily spotted Ehrye and his thugs hiding behind a pile of lumber being used for construction. If looks could kill, he'd be dead ten times over instead of looking ready to piss himself.

"Shit!" He yelled.

"_Not so fast!"_ He wasn't getting away this time, not when my mask allowed me to bring him to me so I could shove my staff somewhere pleasant.

Ehrye squeaked pathetically as I grabbed the collar of his sweater and raised him off of his feet and to eye level, his so called 'friends' running to save themselves. I've had enough of him picking on Matoro, especially when he was in this state. I'd had it!

"_You miserable little runt. How dare you harm Matoro like this!? Do you take pleasure in being an immature piece of Muaka crap?"_ he didn't need to know what I was saying, the horrified expression he held from just my tone alone was all I needed to know that he knew I was pissed as hell.

"P-please s-sir! W-we were just fooling! We didn't mean-"

"_Oh I __dare__ you to finish that sentence!"_ I snapped, shaking him once. He squeaked like the coward he was and gripped my hands holding him above the ground a good few inches.

I've had enough of this one's thoughtless antics. He sickens me sometimes, but now he downright makes me want to vomit. And if he was going to take pleasure out of harassing my poor little Matoran, he's got another thing coming!

"Please, I'm sorry! We were just joking!" Ehrye by now was nearly hysterical, thrashing and yelling like a child wanting attention.

"_Oh you're going to be sorry alright!"_ I was too enraged to consider consequences, so instead I took a note from Ta-Matoran and raised my other hand to strike him.

"Nuju, no!"

I stood still in shock at my name being said so desperately and the feel of a tight hand grabbing at my arm. My anger was gone in the blink of an eye, and my attention was drawn to the trembling white hand grasping my arm. Although he was still and his gaze was firm, Matoro was not the least bit calm. His eyes again betray him, full of desperation and pleading.

He almost _never_ says my name outright out of respect for me and my status, the more than common way a Matoran calls his Turaga. He only ever calls me by name whenever he's _severely_ pissed off at me, or when he's distressed and we're alone.

His thin hand tightened around my forearm, his other hand holding a rather large cut on his shoulder, and shook his head pleadingly.

"Please, leave him alone. It's not worth it. I'm okay…" His voice was shaky, but still held in place. Barely.

"_Matoro, he hurt you and-!"_

"I know what he did! I know he hurt me, I know he's an idiot and an immature brat…" he swallowed stiffly and sighed, "Please Nuju…"

I melted under his pleading gaze. How this Matoran managed to get me under his spell so easily with nothing but a single gaze is baffling to me. I could barely comprehend how I could easily stand up to Teridax himself, but would fall to my knees because of a mere Ko-Matoran too young to even have this job. I guess I adored him too much to deny him my very soul.

These thoughts alone were enough to force my hand down to my side. I sighed and shifted my gaze back to Ehrye. My famous 'death glare' was enough to drain the blood from his face and his frame to rattle.

"_You ever harass Matoro again, or even look at him funny, consider your ass buried…"_ I hissed.

I promptly dropped the coward and watched him scramble to his feet and run for his worthless life. Once he was a good few yards off did I feel Matoro's hand loosen around my arm.

"Thank you…" he rasped, his whole frame shaking.

I couldn't help it anymore. I simply couldn't when he was making that face. With a few confused protests, I quickly ushered Matoro back inside the Coliseum. There was no way I was letting him walk home alone to possibly be jumped by Ehrye again, or by someone else with a more brutal intent.

I've waited long enough. I was going to end this…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Night had fallen only about an hour or so ago, and yet it felt like an eternity to me. Now fixed up from his rather uncalled for run in with Ehrye, I couldn't help but notice how much more hopeless Matoro seemed. He refused to eat, even after I threatened to shove something down his throat. He just stood there like a drone awaiting orders, staring at the back wall with dull eyes and a blank expression.

But we were finally alone, he couldn't run off, and no one would walk in on us. There was just no way; the universe couldn't be _that_ cruel.

He was stuck and he knew it. I didn't want him to run anymore; he was obviously too tired and drained to continue like this. I wanted him to rest, to stop hurting like this, to _let me in…_

"_Matoro…is everything alright?"_ I asked.

He stared at me in an observant manner for a moment, and I did the same to him.

He really was a frail Matoran. Even with a vigorous job as a Muaka hunter and tracker, somehow Matoro still managed to keep his pencil thin build and delicate features. It always amazed me really; the child has the metabolism of a Kanohi Dragon and never so much as slowed in any of his tasks.

Eyes so deep and far too kind were partly hidden by modest reading glasses, most of which were hidden away in his pocket when at home or resting on his face when in meetings with the others. Long blue tinted white hair and a slender build only added to many sometimes mistaking him for a girl, a situation never much fun for either of us.

Too frail to be a warrior, too strong to be only a translator, and far too kind to be a Ko-Matoran. He was simply too different to have an easy life.

I watch him fall back onto the couch and bring his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on his propped up, knobby knees and staring intently at me. I sighed and crossed my arms, finally seeming to realize how stupid my question was.

"_Of course everything isn't alright. That was a stupid question."_ I said with a light smile, hoping to bring some light back into my little Matoran's eyes.

It was no use. He still held his hopeless, dull gaze. So instead, I sat beside my Matoran and fixed my eyes on the back wall, trying desperately to think of something, _anything_, to save Matoro from this anguish. I wanted to comfort him directly, but if I did so, he'd draw further into his shell and hide away from me. He had to let go first before I could help him. Whether it was because he was too stubborn or too kind was unknown. But either way, I had to be careful with Matoro. He was like an easily frightened rabbit; one wrong move could mean the end of things.

I hadn't noticed that about a good ten minutes of silence had passed before he _finally_ spoke. But it was what he asked that was anything but expected.

"Is it possible to hate your god?" he asked.

I'll admit that one got my attention. Was it possible to hate your god? What did he mean?

'_Why else would he ask when his own god is taking his life and yours away from him?'_

That's right…

Mata-nui was dying and taking us with him to his grave. And Matoro was scared, terrified even. And if it was one thing I learned about the Matoran, is that he simply loved living. He loved life in all its forms, whether it was another Matoran or a simple insect, he loved it all. And if something he loved was being stolen from him, he always, _always_, fixes his focus on the heart of what is doing so.

"_I…what do you mean?"_ I asked carefully.

"I mean…I know you can hate someone because of something they did, however indirectly or unintentionally…" he started and I listen carefully to his words. And as his words slowly started to sink into my mind, it all became clear as to what he was asking and why…

Matoro loved not knowing what would happen to him the next day. He loved being surprised, waking up to new sights, sounds, smells, and people, no matter who or what it was. He loved living in the moments that were so precious to so few that took their lives for granted.

He simply loves life to death, as I once said. And it was all too true.

Matoro never took a single second of his life for granted. He cherished every moment he had, even the worst and most painful of times. Because it was all of those moments that made him who he was. It all made him into the bittersweet Matoran I adore so much right now…

And all of it, the memories, the moments, the times that made him smile the most, was all going to be stolen from him. And he was starting to resent Mata-nui for it, even though he knows it's not something Mata-nui intended.

"_Well…I…suppose it's possible. I mean, Mata-nui is in a way someone we know, however not physically. But I suppose if we can worship him, we can resent him."_ this was all I could seem to say to him.

A small pause passed before he responded.

"Does…does that make me a bad person?" he asked.

I stared in utter disbelief at him. Was he serious…? Does that make him a bad person? Of course it didn't! What in the name of Mata-nui ever gave him such a thought? He wasn't a bad person, he was scared. Who wouldn't be in a situation like this?

"_What…? No…no, of course not Matoro, you are anything but a bad person! I…honestly, no one can blame you for thinking like this, especially in this situation…"_ I said, placing a hand gently on his back to comfort him.

I watched his hazy eyes turn glassy briefly, his frame starting to sag. He was without a doubt exhausted, and all it took was to ask that simple question and get a response of vague clarity to allow his tension to melt away.

But even so, I had to ask.

"_Why do you ask such a thing?"_ I asked softly.

"Just…" I watched his gentle eyes shut and his body tremor briefly before adding, "A little thought…"

'_A little thought indeed…'_ I thought. But it was all I needed to hear.

I moved as close as I could to my small Matoran and secured my arms around his thin frame, pulling him flush into my chest. I felt Matoro relax and lean into me, and I took this as a more than good sign that he was recovering. I couldn't resist anymore, and brought the hand around his back to rest on his head before weaving them into his white locks, stroking his head in soothing motions.

Usually he'd protest to this treatment, but now, he just sat where he was, both of us taking in the other's presence.

I didn't know how long I had sat there with him, but by the time I had looked at the clock, it was already pretty late. Matoro was fast asleep and limp against my side. Twitchy movements from his hands and feet suggested he was dreaming, but what of, I could only imagine.

I didn't wish to wake him, but I doubted the position he was in was very comfortable. Plus, I was getting tired myself. All of that worrying over Matoro for the past week had drained me.

Which is how I found myself carrying the surprisingly light Matoran to the bed chambers. I made a mental note to make him a big breakfast the next morning, even if I had to force-feed it to him. He's barely eaten anything this past week, and it's bad enough he's so scrawny. I don't need him keeling over at random because he wasn't eating.

I carefully set him down on the bed, removing his jacket and boots, as well as his glasses, so he would sleep better, before draping the blankets over him. He mumbled in his sleep and curled onto his side, instantly finding the second pillow and clutching it into his arms. The sight made me smile slightly. His habits were really too cute sometimes, sleeping or otherwise.

I sat on the edge of the bed and simply watched him. It never ceased to amaze me how easily he is mistaken as a mature Matoran by many. Only when his professional mask is gone, does he become what he really is. Simply a child.

The other Turaga seem to forget this fact a lot as well, sadly myself included. He was far more mature than his peers, and even so could be so childish when needed. We seem to ignore those small glimpses into his real age, and so kept assuming him to be a strong hearted young man. It was true that he probably has the most powerful will I've encountered in a Matoran, but he was still a _child_.

Too young for this job, too mature to be a child, and simply too lonely and weary to fight for himself. All of this, it was too cruel for someone as kind as Matoro to take. He was simply growing old while still young. Especially considering his past…

I sighed sadly and shook my head, brushing the bangs out of his face gently. It's just too cruel…

'_Please Mata-nui, if you're going to take him and every life away, please…let him go peacefully. And let him forever rest peacefully without any restless dreams…'_ I hardly ever prayed, but for Matoro, I'd move all heaven and hell for him.

I looked back down at my kind Matoran, hesitation on my face and words caught in my throat. I looked around the room suspiciously, my chest tightening with heat. I swallowed and sighed, my gaze dropping. No, not yet. I had to wait. I couldn't do anything now, let alone _tell_ him what I've wanted to tell him for so long now. Not now, not under these circumstances…

I sighed and lay beside him instead, staring at the ceiling. For some reason I wasn't tired anymore, but my body was exhausted. This is a rather odd surprise considering all of the mental and emotional beatings I've been taking lately.

Well, thinking about it wasn't going to change anything, so I reached over to the nightstand and took out my book from the drawer. I eyed the title with half the annoyance I first held when Dume suggested it to me. Nosy bastard couldn't keep to himself anymore…

I don't know when I fell asleep, all I knew was, was that when I woke up tomorrow, at least I'd be beside the Matoran I swore to forever protect.

And yet, I could never forgive myself for thinking this when I woke up the next day…


	3. Never Forever

**Never Forever**

_A/N~ Finally, the last part of my three shot. Damn, only took me…about a week to write these out? How suckish am I!? XDD_

_Anyways, lots of angst, regrets, emo-ness, all the stuff you weirdos love and look forward to from me. Oh I can feel the love~! Anyways, enjoy!_

_**A/N 2~ **__Now edited!_

Summary: Life seems meaningless now without the young Matoran by his side. With Matoro now dead and Nuju himself alone and grieving, he considers some drastic solutions. But a letter left behind may just be his savior…

Takes place somewhere during 'Downfall' after the Mahri are returned to Metru-Nui. Last part to the three-shot.

DO NOT READ if you have not yet read 'Never forgive' and 'Never forget'.

No POV.

Enjoy.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

He was dead.

His little Matoran was dead, and they were celebrating. Why? Why was everyone happy? Why was he the only one grieving over a single lost life? Why was there so much happiness?

_Why?_

They got to live. They get to see another day they would later take for granted. They get to pursue dreams and ambitions. And even so, later they would forget to cherish each day, and eventually forget just who it was that saved them.

It wasn't fair. Matoro had never done a single thing wrong in his entire life, and yet _he_ had to die for it! He had to die to save harsh Matoran that would later abandon him in a situation than help him. He saved blind and arrogant people who would later forget how precious life was.

It wasn't _fair!_ He shouldn't have died!

'_Why…?'_ it was a never ending cycle to him. Matoro was dead. He questions it. Resentment is felt for others. And then it goes all around again.

And to think, it all started when he woke up that morning…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Sunlight peeked through cracked blinds and assaulted thin eyelids. An annoyed mumble was heard before he flipped onto his side with a sigh, trying to block out the irritating light. Nuju was awake, but his eyes were still shut as he fought to go back to sleep. He didn't want to wake up now, he was still too tired. And screw meetings, he deserved a lazy day off from his colleagues every once and a while.

Yeah, a nice lazy day to relax and straighten things out sounded very nice about now. Not to mention Matoro could use the time to unwind as well. Plus he makes great entertainment when his buttons are pushed just right.

A sleepy smirk played at Nuju's lips at the thought. Maybe he could get them back into their routine with a few playful pokes at Matoro. Mata-nui only knew they needed it.

Might as well start by rudely waking the Matoran for a chuckle or two…

Eyes still closed, Nuju shoved his leg out, hoping it would connect with the Matoran and topple him off the bed. His foot met with nothing but air. What the…?

Nuju opened his eyes and looked over to the other side of the bed. Empty.

Odd, he wasn't there. Matoro almost never got up this early without help from his alarm clock or Nuju's staff. Not to mention he was an absolute nightmare if he didn't get his coffee within ten minutes of waking up in the first place.

'_Hm…well might as well find the kid. I just hope he's feeling alright.'_ he thought.

But first things first. He needed a shower and a fresh change of clothes. He fell asleep in his clothes last night again (the only difference in this case being he wasn't at his desk and his back didn't feel like it was about to snap in half) and he felt stuffy and dirty.

Nuju reached over and picked up his glasses from the nightstand (how did they get there in the first place?) and made for the bathroom. But as he started passing the sink and mirror, he paused. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a silver object and picked it up.

'_Scissors?'_ he thought in confusion. How the heck did they get in there? And…what was that caught in the joint?

Nuju plucked it out of the scissor joint and stared at it. White hair. Blue tinted white hair. What the hell? Matoro didn't cut his hair did he!? If he did, Nuju wasn't going to let him hear the end of it damn it!

"_Ugh, stupid brat, just you wait…"_ he huffed, setting the scissors aside and marching for the shower.

Now freshened up and more presentable, Nuju set his focus on finding Matoro and finding out just _what_ he was up to. He looked all over their suite, but found no sign of the Matoran. His boots and jacket were gone, so he could only conclude he went out somewhere. Maybe back home?

…wait, if he went home, what if he was jumped again and _couldn't_ come back? Whenever Matoro left somewhere, even for a while, he'd always leave a note. Did he maybe just step out for some air and get beat up or something!? Was he lost or unconscious somewhere!?

Nuju wasted no time in bolting out of his dorm. Flitting through the main hall and out the door, he almost expected to see Matoro injured and laying a few feet off, stretching for the door and bleeding.

Nothing. Just a few Matoran out doing work, and not a disturbed sound in the air. It was almost…eerie.

But so odd. Matoro _never_ went anywhere without letting Nuju know where he was going. He took his job seriously, and thus made sure Nuju could get to him if needed.

Nuju thought about asking Kopeke where Matoro might be, and contemplated approaching him without his translator. But he dismissed the idea, thinking it more logical that Matoro went home. He did after all fall asleep in his clothes as well, and probably went home to change or something.

But Nuju couldn't shake this odd feeling away. Like he was missing something…

'_I can think about it later. Now I need to find him. He's probably still a bit upset from last night…'_ he thought in concern. So ignoring the strange sensation coursing through his body, Nuju trekked for Matoro's home.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

"Matoro, open up!"

Really, it was ironic Nuju would find _him_ of all people pounding on the door to Matoro's house while he himself was looking for him. And honestly, it was getting a bit difficult for Nuju to not just beat the living life out of Ehrye right now for what he did to Matoro yesterday.

Hm…well, Matoro had only begged him to not punish Ehrye that _one_ day. It was the next day now, and he needed some stress relief…

"_Ehrye!"_ he called.

"Gah!" Nuju paused and raised his brows in surprise. Even as Ehrye yelped and spun around, he was expecting a shocked expression and even some fear. What he didn't expect was the patch over his nose and the black and blue bruise outlining it between his eyes and lower forehead.

He…honestly, he looked so ridiculous he could actually almost laugh at him. Almost.

"T-Turaga sir! I…um, I uh…I was just uh…" he was stuttering and trembling like a frightened mouse cornered by a cat ready to pounce. Ironically it was quite a fitting situation actually.

"_What are you doing here, whelp?"_ Nuju growled lowly. Ehrye stared at him for a good while, Nuju having the urge to roll his eyes, but was interrupted when Ehrye spoke sheepishly.

"Uh, I'm guessing you're here for Matoro. Uh, if not, have you seen him?" he asked. Nuju's hardened glare made him jump.

"N-no! Not so I could do anything! I just uh…w-wanted to talk to him is all…about last night I mean." Ehrye said.

Nuju frowned slightly. Last night? But Ehrye had assaulted Matoro in the afternoon yesterday. And really, why was he so…flustered? And his nose…not that he didn't deserve it. It seems karma was smiling down on Matoro today.

Seeing Nuju's gaze focused on his broken nose with a raised brow, Ehrye fidgeted and stuttered out,

"Um, Matoro kind of uh…don't get mad at him or anything, but he…kind of decked me late last night. Guy's got a serious right hook!" he said in a tone bordering on impressed and astonished.

Nuju, however, was completely floored. Matoro? Sweet, gentle, never-picks-a-fight-yet-firm Matoro? _Decked_ Ehrye? Hard enough to break his nose? Seriously?

Okay, _now_ Nuju was going to laugh. This was too much.

Ehrye looked slightly annoyed as he watched his Turaga smirk and try to contain his laughter with a hand over his mouth, shoulders shaking slightly.

Nuju changed his mind, he wasn't going to bug Matoro about possibly cutting his hair, he was going to brag about this to everyone he knew and buy him that new hunting sled he's had his eye on. There was no way he was going to let either Ehrye or Matoro live this down!

But Nuju suddenly paused and blinked. 'Don't get mad at him' Ehrye had said. Was he…_defending_ Matoro? He looked over at Ehrye and stared at him like a madman. What the hell was this kid on? Or better yet, what was _he_ on?

"Uh, yeah, so um…have you seen him? I've been knocking on his door for like, ten minutes. I just wanna talk to him, and no one's seen him all morning. I saw him late last night around eleven or something and-"

Nuju didn't hear anything else. Not when that unsettling sensation quickly turned to one of frigid concern. Last night around eleven? No one's seen him? What was he talking about? Matoro was with him all last night…wasn't he?

_Wasn't_ he?

'_Late last night…his side of the bed was cold. He didn't leave a note, and no one has seen him all morning…'_ Nuju's thoughts were swarming and his hearing was deaf to all sound except his own speeding heartbeat.

He rushed up to the door and shoved Ehrye aside, ignoring the startled 'hey!' from the Matoran and taking out the extra key Matoro gave him a few days back, slipping it into the lock. But when he tried to turn it, it wouldn't budge; the door was already unlocked.

What was going on? Matoro _never_ left his door unlocked even when he was home!

Nuju ignored this and swung the door open, franticly searching the main room.

Empty. No one was in the living area or the kitchen. He ignored Ehrye as he stood in the doorway and asked what his problem was, choosing instead to race up the stairs of the small two story townhome and to the bedroom. He had to be there! He had to be in his room! And if he wasn't, there at least needed to be a note there! There had to be!

Nuju swung open the bedroom door, expecting to find an irritated Matoro and a boot sailing towards his face for barging in.

But he didn't see this or anything. It was empty.

The bed was still made, the desk still tidy and neatly organized, and his closet…it was open. A few articles of clothing were missing, as well as his bag. The trunk inside the closet where he kept some of his hunting gear was open ajar with a few things hanging out, but a few daggers and small things were missing.

And the picture frame that used to sit on his nightstand lay on its back on the desk, missing the picture that once occupied it. The same picture Matoro had long ago shyly asked to take of Nuju himself. And probably the only picture he ever really smiled in.

It was gone. And so was Matoro.

'_Where…where is he?'_ he thought in sheer confusion.

Ehrye had later since joined his Turaga in his confusion as he caught sight of Matoro's now empty room. He may not have really gone into Matoro's home before, but even he knew that this wasn't supposed to be right. Something was so wrong here.

Nuju felt panic rise within him, his heart racing and his chest constricting as that sick sensation pooled in his stomach and spread to his nerves. Was Matoro so distraught last night that…he ran away!?

'_No! He couldn't, he wouldn't do this!'_ he thought.

The Coliseum…he had to be there reporting to Dume! The fire Turaga probably advised him to move in there as well for convenience. That had to be it!

But where's the note? Matoro would always leave a note or some sign of where he was and what he was doing…

'_He's fine. He has to be. He could have forgotten or the note was moved!'_ Nuju ignored Ehrye yet again as he raced out of Matoro's home and towards the Coliseum.

But Ehrye said he saw him last night. His broken nose is proof of that…

'_It had to have been someone else! Ehrye lies all the time. Matoro would never hurt a soul!'_

You know that's not true. You know he has more fire in his blood than a Ta-Matoran…

'_He's fine! He has to be! Ehrye's a liar! Matoro probably just wants to be left alone! He's scared!'_

_You're_ the one who's scared…

'_Shut up!'_ Nuju burst through the doors of the Coliseum and wasted no time rushing in through the doors to the meeting chamber in barely contained fear.

The other Turaga were shocked out of their conversation by his entrance, but one look at him told them all that he was distressed. And with his lack of his translator on his tail, and what Dume had moments ago told them, it didn't take long for them to put two and two together.

"_Where is he…?"_ Nuju rasped in barely contained worry.

They all remained silent for a long while, as if frozen in place from their own shock. They looked at each other nervously, whispering under their breath to each other with unsure gazes.

Vakama finally sighed and stood, approaching Nuju. He looked him straight in the eye with a saddened gaze, unease visible in his orange-red eyes.

"He's gone Nuju. He, Jaller, Takanuva, and a few other Matoran had left late last night to pursue their Toa. And by now…they likely haven't made it past the borders. I'm sorry." He said sadly.

Gone…? Matoro was…_gone?_

Coldness seeped into his bones and froze his nerves, numbing the sensation of his collapsing onto his knees as he stared ahead with wide, frightened eyes. The sick feeling that once lay dormant in his stomach finally erupted into pure, agonizing panic for his little Matoran.

Nuju was so enthralled in his own shock and fear, he was completely unaware of his body running on autopilot in a frenzy. His unfocused mouth screamed 'liar' and 'it's not true' as the other's tried to calm and restrain him.

He felt none of this. It wasn't there. His focus was gone and directed on trying to process what he was told. His Matoran had run off. He had left Nuju. He was on his way to help his Toa. He was walking straight into his own grave. He was going to be killed he had to stop him no no no why-

Why, why, _why!?_

"MATORO!"

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

…he screamed his name that day. And it had all happened months ago.

He had never screamed so hard in his entire life, not even as a child. Never had Nuju ever heard such desperation, such pleading pain in his own voice. Looking back on it, it still stunned Nuju to no end just how he acquired such a voice. And it still baffled him that the disappearance of a single Matoran had even compelled him to actually talk, if not scream, for him.

Nuju could still feel the thrumming vibrations in his throat from that day. He could still taste the sick and bitter sensations in his mouth. He could still feel the heat and sting of unshed tears in his eyes. And probably worst of all, he could still feel the stabbing, aching pain piercing his broken heart. He's felt all of this every minute of every day since that one day all those months ago.

And with each day, it only hurt more.

But today…no, it didn't hurt. It was beyond physical pain now. It was simply too powerful to be described as mere pain or heartache. You can't feel pain in something that's broken.

And his heart had long since broken when he was told his little Matoran, his sweet, innocent, fragile Matoran, was dead.

It was so odd. The moment the news left Vakama's lips and were confirmed by the now returned Toa Mahri, he did nothing. Absolutely _nothing._

He did not fall to his knees in despair. He did not scream or cry for his Matoran to come back. He did not call them liars. It was so much worse than that…

It was simply such a swift, clean blow. It might as well have killed him instantly. But instead, it chose to be cruel and sadistic and instead pierced his once unstable heart. He swore he heard something shatter that day, and he just knew, that his heart had broken.

This was what it felt like to lose someone you loved so very much. This is what happens when you fall in love…

And yet, never had he thought he would feel it again, let alone that it would be even worse than the first time his heart shattered. He never thought that, since Ihu died, he would feel that pain again tenfold and with a vengeance.

And all he could do was ask the same thing…

_Why…?_

Nuju never stopped asking himself this, even as he settled into his newly built home. The single word seemed to echo in the body that was a shell of his former self. He felt so…empty. So numb and cold. So then why did it still hurt? Nuju was so numb, and yet he felt so much pain and anguish.

Painful numbness…

Those words…Matoro had said those words once. Those two words, being used in the same sentence, it made no sense to Nuju at first. How can one be in pain when they are numb? How can they feel numb and still feel pain?

When Nuju asked this, Matoro simply smiled that beautiful, sad smile of his and said,

"Only when you've felt it, can you understand. And I pray to Mata-nui that you will never have to feel it." Were his words.

It was so ironic, so awful, that Nuju had to feel those exact feelings because of the person who felt and expressed them. And yet it was all for naught.

It made Nuju reflect on just why and how Matoro had come to feel these things himself. How many times had Nuju spoken to him as a friend and not as just a Turaga? How many times has he sat and listened as the small Matoran poured his heart out to him? How many times has he held the Matoran without a second thought and let him cry on his shoulder? How many times has Nuju asked himself, how can a mere child put a name on and feel all of these terrible feelings?

'_Because, he has been through more pain than any one Matoran should ever feel.' _Nuju shut his eyes, blocking the unstable dam of tears behind his lids.

Even now as he sat at his desk with piles of unsigned papers and work, Nuju simply could not fathom just how or why the universe had to be so cruel. He honestly and truly could not find a single reason as to why someone as strong and kind as Matoro had to die to save a world of selfish people.

'_Mata-nui…are you truly the god we all know? Are you really this kind deity? If you really are, then why? Why did you take my little boy away from me? Why did it have to be him?'_ No answer came. None ever did…

A shudder wracked Nuju's frame, and suddenly it seemed colder, lonelier. It was true that since Matoro had left, he had been getting lonely. Worry had consumed him over the months of Matoro's absence. There was never a single night where Nuju didn't lay awake and wonder if Matoro was alright. He always used to wonder so many things. Was he hurt? Did he make it to the island? Was he thinking about him? Was he scared?

All of this, and so much more, plagued Nuju's mind like a swarm of angry Nui-rama. It never ceased, but despite how painful it was, he didn't want those thoughts to stop. They were the only things that kept Matoro near him and kept his sanity in place.

And still, the night Nuju went home after hearing of Matoro's death, he had simply sat there on his bed and stared at the floor for an unknown number of minutes. It seemed to finally reach Nuju that his Matoran was dead, and as it did, tears capsized down his face and he wept.

Even now after all this time, it startled Nuju to no end. Matoro had just…up and left him. He just vanished, slipping through his fingers like smoke through a vent. He didn't even say goodbye to him. He didn't even say _why!_ And it was all because that damn Jaller couldn't mind his own business! All because Nokama just had to go and open her mouth and tell them…!

Nuju stood from his seat with a shaky sigh. No, he couldn't let his anger get the better of him. Matoro…Matoro wouldn't have wanted him to blame anyone. But even so, it seemed a part of him had developed a bitter resentment for the two…

He didn't know when he started trekking for Matoro's now empty home, not until he stopped outside the dead Matoran's door with a blank face and eyes swimming with confusion. No, he couldn't go inside! It would be disrespectful…it was too painful.

He grabbed the doorknob, after unlocking it, and went inside against his own will.

This home, full of the Matoran's scent and his everlasting presence. It was empty. There was not a soul within it except for Nuju himself. This home used to hold such a warm and welcoming atmosphere. It used to be full of light and the lingering aura that emitted from Matoro.

But now that he was gone…it was just an empty space. But it was all too familiar.

'_Why am I here…?'_ Nuju thought.

Numbly, he strode to the stairs leading up to Matoro's room. Each step he climbed felt like a milestone, the next harder and further than the last. He felt like he was climbing an endless mountain, and it seemed like hours had stretched on until he reached the last step and faced the upstairs hallway.

The bedroom door was cracked open just slightly, just as it had been left so long ago…

Now facing the door, Nuju placed his hand over the flat board, but did not push it open. Was this all a dream? Was this just some kind of sick joke? When he opened that door, would he see Matoro behind it, sitting at his desk working, or lying on his bed reading? Would he see him look up and smile at him, and ask him if he needed something? Would he see his Matoran alive and well on the other side of the door? Would all of this anguish simply vanish with the opening of a simple door…?

No…

No, it couldn't, and it didn't. Even though Nuju desperately prayed and hoped that any of those thoughts would occur behind that door, none did. It was simply an empty room devoid of his little Matoran and any sign of life. A cold bed, a dusty desk, a closet open slightly ajar, an untouched bookshelf, and the light blocked out by dark blue curtains.

Nuju cautiously, as if walking on thin ice, walked over to the bed and placed a hand over the cold blankets. He picked up the discarded scarf that lay neatly folded in the middle of the bed, running his thumb over the blue stripe that ran down the middle.

He had given that scarf to Matoro a long time ago. Nuju and the Matoran were on their way to another meeting, but along the way on that winter day, Matoro only seemed to remember he forgot his scarf after feeling the effects of the cold day starting to take over his chilled body. And without saying a word, Nuju simply wrapped his own scarf around Matoro's thin neck and continued on, even with Matoro pausing in his steps to look at him in surprise from the gesture.

"_I don't need my translator catching a cold just because he was naïve enough to forget his scarf…" _was Nuju's response.

Ironic, how those stern words held so much more meaning behind them, but were never truly expressed due to his own pride and fear. Matoro smiled thankfully at him that day, and he thought it was during that moment that the Matoran started winning his heart over.

And even as days turned to weeks, Nuju never did ask for that scarf back.

Nuju sat on the edge of the bed and averted his gaze over to the quickly aging stuffed penguin sitting on the pillows. He set the scarf down on his lap and reached over for the stuffed Rahi, picking it up and staring into its glassy black eyes sewn into its cute little face. How long ago had it been since he gave Matoro this stuffed toy…?

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

He had been sitting outside alone that day, simply watching the other Ko-Matoran dance and have fun during their Mid Winter Festival. A small smile was on his face; it was calm and serene. But for some reason, Nuju felt so sad just seeing him all alone, far from the crowd and simply watching.

His blue eyes shined from the reflection of the giant bonfire in the middle of their village. Red, orange, and yellow flames danced with various shades of blues in his irises. A swirling vortex of calm and fierce colors that should never meet, but still swam in the innocent pools of Matoro's irises perfectly.

"_Having fun?" _Nuju had asked him nonchalantly as he approached the Matoran.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I am." Matoro smiled. Nuju didn't look convinced.

"_Then why are you sitting all alone over here? The party's over there." _Nuju had said as he sat beside the Matoran. Said Matoran just chuckled slightly at this.

"And you're over here too you know." He said.

"_True, but my reputation calls for me being a wallflower, so I have an excuse." _Was the Turaga's dry response. Matoro laughed lightly at the dull statement; he always did hold a soft spot for Nuju's dry humor and sarcasm.

"I just don't feel like…well, doing anything I suppose. I'm not really sure just _what_ to do actually…" Matoro said. Nuju raised a brow at this curiously.

"_Not sure what to do?"_ he asked. Matoro's eyes lowered to half lids, his wistful smile never leaving his pale face.

"I didn't exactly have time for parties, even back then…" he said. It seemed to click in Nuju's head at the statement, and a bit of guilt fell on him from prying.

"_I'm…sorry."_ Was all he could think of to say.

"It's okay! I'm glad I get to at least see others having fun for once. I just like watching I guess." Matoro said with a reassuring smile.

Nuju's gaze sat fixated on the Matoran as he watched the others enjoy their festival. The light smile on his face wasn't even a farce, but true, peaceful enjoyment. But…it seemed so lost too; so out of place. A black spot on an endless sheet of white. Matoro would always be a black sheep, but he would always be kind too. But sometimes, in times like these, it's he himself who can't help but express the sadness Matoro refused to burden others with.

Nuju rose from his spot beside the Matoran, muttering a quiet 'wait here' as he trekked into the crowd briefly. Matoro's gaze followed him curiously until Nuju vanished in the crowd of Matoran before he turned back to watching as the festival progressed.

No sooner had he turned away, did a strange sight invade his vision in the form of a stuffed blue penguin Rahi with a bowtie.

Matoro jumped slightly at the sudden visual scare, staring at the penguin with wide eyes.

"_If you're not going to enjoy yourself, the least you can do is take a souvenir." _Nuju, now standing behind him and holding the penguin in front of his face, said dully.

Eyes still wide from surprise, it took a while for Matoro to register his words and what he was supposed to do. He numbly reached up and took the penguin, allowing Nuju to let go and take his seat beside the Matoran again while he simply stared at it with that same face.

Nuju watched for some other reaction besides sheer surprise and possible confusion. Was it really so hard for Matoro to believe that he had been given something? Was it honestly so baffling to him? To be so…confused?

Nuju was about to ask if he was alright and get some kind of word out Matoro, but stopped himself as the Matoran's face flushed quite deeply and he hugged the stuffed Rahi to his chest and hid the lower portion of his face into its fluffy head. Nuju was even more surprised to see the Matoran's eyes become glassy and a brief shudder wrack his frame.

"I…th-thank you Turaga…" he muttered hoarsely.

The shy and almost choked gratitude in Matoro's voice brought a faint smile to Nuju's face. And although the Matoran was too shy to show it, and Nuju was too prideful to voice it, both were glad they came to the festival that year…

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

And still, even after all this time, he still kept the old thing, despite its juvenile appearance. He still kept it sitting perched on his pillows and clung to it at night. Sometimes Nuju would see him using it as a headrest as he read, or simply as a source of comfort. He cherished the old toy like it was a living person. Nuju even recalled hearing his Matoran quietly talking to it on the rare occasion.

Nuju vaguely noted the few dust motes floating around through the slight sliver of light that peeked out from the crack of the closed curtains. His focus instead went to the room itself, his dark blue eyes scanning the plainness and white washed setting…

Not a single picture or any form of individualism marked the room as being anything but a guest room, aside from the stuffed toy. Not a single picture was there anymore. The one that held a picture of Nuju himself was gone, taken with the Matoran most likely, and the frame sat forgotten on the nightstand by the bed. Nothing but the necessities were present in the room.

No posters, no knick-knacks, no novelties, nothing. Not even a picture of his family…

'_What family…?' _Nuju thought with a frown. Yes, what family indeed.

Why would there be a picture of _them_ in this room? What reason would Matoro have in keeping anything that reminded him of _them _in this small space? Why would he willingly keep anything tying him to _them _in the one place he found peace…?

Even as Nuju thought back, to that day he and Kualus found him. That day he looked into those eyes, eyes so full of burning anger, of ice cold hatred…he still couldn't fully accept just why he was still there…

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

"_Why is this boy so nonchalant? Is he truly aware of what has happened, _is _happing, around him?" _Nuju had thought aloud.

"Yes, yes I am, but I just choose not to care." Matoro had responded snobbishly.

Nuju was stunned to say the least, that the Matoran had understood him. How was it possible? Only he and Kualus knew how to understand the language of the birds. And yet here this Matoran, this arrogant, angry, _bloody PIGEON_, could understand him and respond so…dully.

"_You…can understand me?"_ he asked carefully.

"Mm-hm. I was wondering when you'd notice, but others kept talking for you, so I just let it go. But yes, I can understand you, quite fluently actually." The Matoran had said, kicking a rock boredly.

Again, stunned isn't a good word to use at that moment. A bit uneasy fit it more precisely. It just didn't seem right for some random Matoran to know how to speak his language! It was baffling that this Matoran-…this Matoran…

He never asked what his name was…

How had Nuju been so careless? Moreover, why didn't the Matoran say anything? In fact, why wasn't he reacting like a normal person to this situation?

"_I…your name would be-"_

"Matoro…" he said before Nuju could finish.

Matoro…the name of a constellation. The name given to the 'Blue Ring' constellation. It symbolized endlessness, the concept of being forever with no end. The set of six stars that formed a dusty blue ring that sat over the once blazing twin suns of Mata-nui. The Blue Ring was often called 'Mata-nui's Halo' as well due to its heavenly glow and its position over the twin suns said to be Mata-nui's eyes. In their tongue, 'Mata-nui' and 'Halo' together as a word would be said as 'Matoro'.

"_That's quite a lovely name. Your parents must have been very proud of you to call you such."_ Nuju said.

Matoro smiled. Not like one of his snarky smirks or angry sneers, this was a smile full of…hopelessness? Serenity?

And for some reason, that simple smile sent a horrid shudder down Nuju's spine. A sick feeling briefly passed through him, almost like nausea, before it felt like his breath hitched and nearly choked. Matoro looked up at him with that smile for the longest time before he spoke.

"They were. For the longest time they were…" he turned his gaze away from Nuju, that eerie smile never leaving his face as he seemed to study the horizon, "But, not anymore…"

Nuju felt like he was having an out of body experience. Something inside of him was shifting, and suddenly he just wanted to know. He didn't know why he felt he needed to talk to this Matoran. He didn't know why he felt like he had to offer himself to him. He had no such idea as to why he felt he had to help this Matoran. He just knew that he did…

"_Are…they still around?"_ he asked carefully. Was that why Matoro seemed so…hopeless right now? So sad yet so…happy? Serene? Did they maybe die…?

No, was what the expression Matoro gave him said. But nonetheless he answered anyways with a nonchalant, casual, tone.

"I don't know. Last I heard, they had moved to the far south." He said.

Nuju was later told by Dume, after the red Turaga had dug up the Matoran's file, that there were absolutely no other records of the Matoran other than his identification, legal papers, business name, and a few other necessities. The only thing known about Matoro was that he was a complete Rahi lover and a companion of many Onu-Matoran. He even owned a small pet shop, Matoro's Rahi, before the city fell.

Matoro had devoted more than half his time to studying numerous classes of Rahi for most of his life, and records of his studies of the stars had suddenly stopped when he was very young, like they had been forgotten. It was no wonder the child could understand Nuju; he probably knew of the bird language as the Matoran had specialized in avian life!

No records of parents, relatives, or anything were found. They had been completely erased or removed. It was as if they had vanished.

Or they simply wished to make Matoro vanish…

Nuju pursued the Matoran to find out just what had happened to him, why he was so different to who he was back then. Time would pass, and he would try to convince Matoro to go up to the surface with him.

"Why would I ever go with you to be reunited with those wretched people?" he had spat.

Unease had weighed down on Nuju from the question spat out of spite. Being told that he would see his people again should have made the Matoran happy, relieved even. But instead he asks why?

And those eyes…they were so full of anger, so much hatred, so much hurt. Despite the angry nomad's words, Nuju could see it, could hear it in those eyes. There was a voice in in, the truth. Internally, the Matoran was screaming for help, for someone to save him. He was crying for someone to grab his hand before he fell, to pull him out before he drowned in his own demise.

But no one had come. So instead he opted for a new escape. Through his pain, he froze himself in a burning, yet freezing, cocoon of spun of his hatred and anger, his sadness and despair. It was the only safe haven he could find, and he was not willing to risk losing it for a false hope.

"Why do you insist on being so alone like this?" Nuju had found himself asking, even though he knew the answer.

"Because no one can hurt you when you're alone…"

More time would pass. And still Nuju would persist. But as they say; persistence is not always met with enthusiasm by all. And Matoro was one of the many not enthused by his pursuit. So he opted to use the cruelty others had inflicted upon him, and turned it on Nuju and an equally frustrated Dume.

"Is it really so little shock to you of what happened here?" he had asked, "This city, it was ruled by the proud and the powerful, the greedy and the cruel. Of course it would fall…"

The poetic and compassionate way he spoke was both a falsehood and a comfort. But in the end, the words he threaded and wove fell from his mouth, weaving a story of truth and lies. And by the end, he simply turned to them both with such a calm, uncaring stare.

"And I am glad it all died."

Dume had struck him. And Matoro did not even retaliate.

He simply looked up and smiled.

But Nuju did not let their argument perturb him. He was stubborn. He fought tooth and nail to convince Matoro to come with him, to change his mind and live somewhere safe. To let go of the anger poisoning his body. The journey they went through for those few months, it was without a doubt the hardest yet most enlightening journey Nuju had ever gone through. No soul, Toa or otherwise, would ever go on such a heart-wrenching trek, all for a prize he might not even get. Their trek was but a game of chance.

And in the end, Nuju won. He won not just a chance to change a hurt young Matoran's life, he gained so much more than that. He gained a companion, a chance to heal a broken heart, a chance to fight his own demons, a chance to see the most beautiful smile, a chance to look into crystalline eyes devoid of hatred and anger. But most importantly, he gained a precious friend, someone he would grow to love so very much…

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

Disownment, abandonment, isolation, sadness, rage, and such soul wrenching loneliness and pain. This was all Matoro had ever known before rising to the surface with Nuju and facing the sun of the surface world for the first time.

It seemed hope had finally returned to the Matoran's bright eyes. Time passed, and eventually his smiles became genuine and seemed to glow, his persona started to show more often, and his spirits soared freely like the birds they both admired so deeply.

Nuju had unconsciously given a lonely Matoran hope. He gave him something no one else would consider so precious. He gave him that smile, that happiness, that hope, that _love_ of life! Nuju became his reason to live…

But also his reason to perish.

All because of the person who gave it all to him…

All because he was still a child. Because he cherished the smallest of things he received from others. Because he had never felt such kindness in his past. Because Nuju just had to be so kind to him…because he was so kind…all…because…

All because he had to die…!

"_Ugh…uhn…!" _Nuju buried his face into the penguin and held it tight, sobbing uncontrollably into its soft lumpy fibers.

Nuju didn't stop crying that night…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

"_Nuju…Nuju, wake up…"_

Nuju groaned and swatted away the hand that was shaking his shoulder, burying his face into his folded arms. He didn't want to get up now…

"_Nuju, you need to wake up now…"_

Nuju groaned again, mumbling something faintly sounding like 'go away'. A light, gentle laugh was heard as his response, followed by another gentle request to wake up.

But something was nagging at Nuju through the bleary fog of sleep. That voice…that laugh…it sounded familiar…

Dark icy blue eyes cracked open bleakly. The white and sandy blue image before him was blurred and distorted from remnants of sleep. But as it cleared, Nuju couldn't keep his heart from skipping in rhythm with each atom that cleared…

Matoro smiled brightly at Nuju as he stood over him, his light laugh seeming to echo through the ice Turaga's hearing.

"_That wasn't so hard now was it? Come on! We have to go now!" _Matoro reached down and grabbed Nuju's hands in his own smaller appendages, helping the confused Turaga to his feet. When did he even end up on the ground in the first place?

"_Come on! We have to go." _He said brightly.

Nuju, still trapped in a state of confusion, could only be led by his hand as the small Matoran tugged him off of the ground and through the streets of a very empty Ko-metru.

His mind reeling and heart racing, Nuju's world did a full three-sixty before registering just what, who, and where he was. His city…it was completely rebuilt, untouched, as pure as the gentle snow that fell around them. But how did he get outside? Wasn't he just in-

Where…where _was _he before this? Was he always outside?

'_Maybe I was…' _thoughts blocked and logic drowned in the sound of his own blood rushing through his ears, he looked to his Matoran in confusion.

"_Matoro, what is-?"_

Wait…Matoro…this didn't sound right. His city was…no wait, it was always fine, right? Why would he think so otherwise? And Matoro, nothing was wrong with him either. He was always there, right? So where were they going? Did he forget about a meeting maybe…?

No…that's not right either…it's just them. Just the two of them here…wasn't it?

"_Matoro, wait." _He said. Matoro slowed slightly and looked back at Nuju.

"_What's wrong?" _he asked curiously.

"_Th-this isn't right! What's going on here?" _Nuju asked in heavy concern. Finally, Matoro stopped and looked at his Turaga with a puzzled expression.

"_What do you mean? Nothing's wrong here. It's just us two!" _Matoro said with a light smile.

"_But…this doesn't-"_

"_Nuju…" _Nuju's voice seemed to catch in his throat at the gentle statement.

And since when had Matoro started calling him by name? The Matoran was never so bold as to call him by name unless he was seriously mad at the Turaga or when they were alone.

Small hands that were once tugging him vigorously along gently gripped his right hand and tugged softly, the Matoran's smile never faltering, his clear aquamarine eyes piercing into icy irises.

"_It's just us here. Nothing's wrong here. Nothing here is wrong." _He said softly.

Nothing…wrong. There was nothing wrong here. It was just them, the two of them. There was…no one else here besides them. Just the two of them in an untouched, pure, harmless world of white and silence. Simply living in a peaceful world without harm…

'_Is…is this right?' _he thought. Unconsciously his hand intertwined with Matoro's even as he thought this. The young Matoran smiled that brilliant smile that Nuju loved so very much and gently tugged him along again.

"_Come on. We have to go." _He said.

But…go where…?

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Eyes ablaze with frantic confusion and puzzlement snapped wide open as the white dream seemed to black out and end in a flash. Breath fast and chest tight from a racing heart and rushing adrenaline, Nuju's sight was invaded by an unfamiliar ceiling.

Barely gaining some of his bearings, Nuju swallowed audibly and slowly sat up as the heated feeling of a mild head rush settled in his cranium. His skin wet and clammy from a cold sweat, he sighed shakily and rested his forehead in his palms, breathing deeply to calm his overactive nerves.

It only took a moment for the Turaga to fit his scattered thoughts together to form a clear picture, and the image unsettled him.

That's right; he was in Matoro's home. He must have been so exhausted from crying so much that he accidently fell asleep. And on Matoro's bed no less!

And that dream…

'_It was…so real…' _he thought, swallowing again.

Maybe it _was _real…

'_No…no, it was…just a dream. I just miss him is all…'_

_Is _that all?

'…_yes…'_ Nuju shut off his thoughts and worries as he stood up from the bed, looking over at the still working desk clock. 5:15, quite early to get up. It was even still dark outside.

Nuju shook his head to shrug off the last bits of sleepiness, stretching his limbs as he stood. He caught sight of Matoro's stuffed penguin lying on the floor from his struggling in his sleep. It was so sad. No one would ever hold the old thing ever again. It would live and rot in this empty home alone while its owner rested in the heavens with their god…

Nuju picked up the stuffed toy, but his hands tightened around it from the thought of Mata-nui…

"_Is it possible to hate your god?" _Matoro had asked him the night before he left.

How strange. To be asked that very question by the one person most precious to him, only to have him taken away by the very god the small Matoran dared question. It was so ironic…so horribly cruel, that Mata-nui, even now, would taunt him like this. And now that dream…

Was this Mata-nui's way of mocking him? Was this his way of saying 'I'm sorry'? Is he truly nothing but a selfish god meant for nothing but taking all that he loved away from him!?

Crrff…

Nuju gasped and looked down at the penguin he was now digging his fingers into hard enough to rip the seams on its sides.

'_D-damn it…!' _Nuju mentally cursed himself for his carelessness, turning the stuffed Rahi over to inspect the damage.

Another sigh escaped the Turaga as he probed the torn seam and the lumpy stuffing bulging out of it. Guilt crawled its way into his stomach, causing unease to prickle at his nerves. Matoro cherished this simple toy like a real pet, and he managed to ruin it…

Nuju loosened his grip on the toy. Even if he hadn't ruined it, it would still rot in this empty home. But…he didn't have the heart to take it with him. He couldn't just take something of Matoro's! Especially not under these circumstances! It would…just be so _wrong_…

It was wrong for someone like him to die though…

It was…it is. So very wrong. So heartless, so cruel, so _unforgivable_ to take away such a precious, pure soul like Matoro. Why did this world have to be so cruel? Why couldn't it be as kind and gentle as Matoro? Why did the ones Nuju love always have to be stolen from him!? Why did Mata-nui's life have to come at the cost of Matoro's!? It wasn't _fair!_

"_Damn it all…Matoro, why did it have to be you!?" _Anger and pure pain blazed through the Turaga's trembling body.

He repressed his tears and instead of releasing that anger, held it all in and picked up the scarf and stuffed Rahi, marching for the door as quickly as possible. He didn't want to be there anymore.

He didn't want Matoro's presence mocking him anymore…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

"_Turaga, can we…visit Ihu's grave?"_

Nuju blinked and slowly set his pen down at the sudden unexpected memory. Well where had _that _come from all of the sudden?

Huh, funny too, that was the same thing he had thought when Matoro asked him that out of nowhere a few years ago. In fact, it was so sudden, Nuju wondered if he hadn't heard Matoro right and asked him to repeat himself. The poor thing had been so flustered and shy when asked to that time…

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

"I said…can we um…v-visit Ihu's grave?" he repeated, his aquamarine eyes flickering back and forth between his Turaga and the floor, hands fidgeting in front of him and face slightly flushed with unease.

Nuju in turn blinked once, twice, as he processed just what he was asked by his Matoran. It certainly came out of nowhere for sure, not to mention it played a part in his own past and emotions.

In fact, just _why _exactly would Matoro want to visit his former mentor's grave? The two never knew each other as far as he knew.

Nuju frowned slightly, not unkindly or angrily, more curiously and questioningly.

"_Why exactly?" _he asked. Although it was a simple, unemotional question, his Matoran flinched slightly as if he were being scolded.

"I-I'm sorry! I sh-shouldn't have asked that! F-forget I said anything! I-I uh, I really didn't mean anything! I-I just-!"

"_Matoro, calm down, it's fine, really. I just want to know why you'd want to see him. You didn't have any connections to him, did you?" _Nuju reassured. Matoro, still flustered and unable to make eye contact with his Turaga, quietly answered.

"B-because…" his statement hung like a dead man sent to the gallows, and his unease seemed to radiate now.

Nuju gently encouraged him to speak what it is he wanted to say. Matoro swallowed and sighed.

"Because I…I want to thank him…" he shyly said.

Nuju, again, had to take a moment to mentally rewind and playback Matoro's shy answer. He wanted to _thank _Ihu? Whatever for? The two have never met once, they had no connections, and here Matoro was, shyly asking if they could visit his mentor's grave. It made no sense!

"_Thank him…?" _he inquired.

Matoro had long since bypassed flustered and jumped straight to embarrassed and slightly fearful. His heartstone was glowing far brighter than it originally should be, a sign of a rapid heartbeat, and his face was red enough to make a Ta-Matoran turn green with envy.

A moment passed, Matoro swallowed audibly and let out a shaky breath, gluing his eyes to the floor.

"Yes…I want to thank him…" he said quietly. Nuju was still lost.

"_What for though?" _he schooled his voice so not to sound like his usual curt self so not to frighten his Matoran. He certainly reminded Nuju of a rabbit caught in a trap and being leered at by a hunter.

He remembered long since talking to Matoro about Ihu, once they had both established a solid trust in each other. He told him how much he had respected and looked up to his mentor and friend. How wise and how kind he was, so much like Matoro himself even!

Matoro had listened intently with true interest and focus, never once interrupting Nuju until he was finished speaking. All the way that led up to his friend's death, it seemed Matoro was even so much as able to hear the sheer grief, the pure agony, of what Nuju had felt all those years ago on that day, even though back then it was hidden behind a wall of indifference and a cold persona.

Matoro had been so enthralled about hearing of his past mentor. The mere honor of being told of the person who mentored his own teacher had him so curious and inquisitive. But after hearing of how close they were and what had happened to Ihu, he never once pushed or dug deeper into the subject. Matoro simply respected Nuju's grief and let it be.

Well, at least up until now, about a month or so later.

Finally, as if gathering some lingering sense of courage or wit, Matoro lifted his head and shyly locked his bright eyes with Nuju's. And again, for the second time in his life knowing Matoro, Nuju felt that strange sense of warmth enter his chilled heart from some unknown emotion in those crystal irises.

"I…just want to thank him…for mentoring you into the man I got to know to this day." A phantom of a smile ghosted over the Matoran's pale features. That one small beacon seemed like a supernova of light to Nuju.

And again, for the _third_ time today in under an hour, Nuju had to stop and process just what he was hearing and wonder if there was something wrong with himself.

Matoro…wanted to thank Ihu…for making him into the man Matoro got to meet and work with? He wanted to thank a long dead Matoran for making Nuju into who he was today…? He was…_that _grateful to Nuju that he would think to actually go to the root of how and who he turned out to be…? And just thank him…? Even though he was dead…?

Nuju stood up from his desk, not missing the slight jump from his flustered Matoran as he did so, and approached Matoro. The poor thing was trembling now, refusing to meet his icy gaze.

Nuju placed his hand under Matoro's chin and firmly urged him to look up and at his face.

"_How is it I came to deserve such a pure Matoran like yourself?" _he asked with a small smile.

Aquamarine eyes widened at the statement, and if possible, his pale face became even redder. Bashfully turning his head away in embarrassment, Matoro grumbled out,

"So we going or not?" he pouted, stuck between embarrassment, irritation, and adoration in one swirling vortex under his Turaga's bemused gaze. Nuju chuckled and pat the Matoran's head. He was adorable!

"_Sure…" _he said.

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

He and Matoro later traveled to Ko-metru and visited its cemetery, which miraculously managed to stay mostly intact. As their custom dictated, Ko-Matoran usually froze their dead before burying them, thus making the ground extremely hard with over-freeze and ice.

Matoro brought with him a single white rose for Ihu's grave, having their moments of silence in respects to their departed. Matoro had asked if he could be alone with Ihu for a moment, again slightly flustered. Nuju let him have some space, but even so, he watched him sit before Ihu's grave, place the rose, and start speaking to it from a distance. He couldn't hear what Matoro was saying to Ihu, but judging by the bashful smile on the Matoran's face, it was nothing but pure gratitude.

Even after that day, Matoro would spare time every now and again to visit that grave with or without Nuju. The Turaga would always know if Matoro had been there or not, because there was always a new rose in place of the last every time he went alone.

Nuju just had to wonder; did Matoro say goodbye to Ihu before he left? If he went there, would he see a new rose in place of the last dying one? Would he see his little Matoran sitting before that grave and talking about the day's events to its buried occupant? Couldn't this all just be some sick dream?

Such wistful thinking could never thrive in reality…

Nuju shuddered briefly and rested his face into his hands, suddenly feeling ill. It hurt so much, it was impossible to cry anymore. There was too much pain to cry, his tears long since dried up. He felt like his heart and soul was being ripped apart!

The sun shouldn't be shining and nor should the sky be so bright; it felt like it should be falling! Why were they celebrating? Why was everyone happy? Why is it that this world got to live while his fell apart?

Why did life have to be so damn cruel!?

"_You are mistaken, Nuju…all of life is a journey, and the journey is not about how high you climb or how far you walk. It is about what you learn on the way, and how you choose to use that knowledge._"

No…Ihu was wrong when he said that. He was so wrong. It couldn't possibly be that simple. No journey should be this heartbreaking. He was so, so wrong. Ihu was wrong. _Ihu _was _wrong!_

A hot lump pressed into Nuju's throat at these thoughts. But he held that dam of tears back and bit his lip, lowering his head into his arms with a shuddering frame. He felt like he was going to be sick…

It was all so wrong. He wanted to forget everything…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Nuju didn't even have the will to ponder just how or why he got where he was now. Even now he simply didn't want to wonder, he simply wanted it to be true. And he didn't even know why.

Just sitting with his little Matoran on the empty park's bench, saying nothing in particular, it was all so serene to him. Simply knowing the Matoran was beside him was all the closure Nuju needed. He didn't remember how or why he was there, and nor did he want to remember or wonder.

He just wanted this moment to be _real_…

The birds that fluttered around them waiting to be fed cooed and twittered eagerly, others flying overhead and to unknown destinations. Matoro himself was occupying himself with tossing a few berry seeds their way, whistling and clicking to them to usher them closer or simply to gauge a response.

Nuju watched in a mixture of contentment and uncertainty.

"_Nuju?" _ The named Turaga blinked himself awake from his wandering thoughts, turning to the voice in question.

"_U-um, yes?" _He stuttered (Stuttered!) out. Matoro gave him an inquisitive smile and cocked his head slightly.

"_Something on your mind? It's not like you to seem distracted." _Said Matoro.

Nuju had to take a quick look at how long he had simply been sitting there and staring at nothing in particular for the past…well, he didn't know how long. He just knew that…that he was supposed to be here. Right?

'_Right…?' _he thought.

"_It's nothing. Just thinking I suppose." _Nuju reassured with a small smile. Matoro hummed thoughtfully to himself, as if contemplating pressing further. He eventually shrugged and turned back to feeding the few birds that remained waiting for their snack.

Again, this felt so…right. Yet it was so eerily out of place. This place, this city, both he and Matoro stood in was just so…perfect. No one else inhabited it except Matoro and himself.

A part of him was telling him this was all wrong, that something was missing, that this wasn't real. But it was quickly being drowned out by yet another part of Nuju that told him to stop thinking, to embrace this world, and accept it as reality.

The world you were in previously was nothing but a bad dream…

Nuju felt a small shudder wrack his frame, his fingers curling over the edge of the bench in a tight grip. But…this didn't settle well with him. This didn't feel…

But it _does _feel right…

Yes. It felt right, yet it felt so wrong to be here. Like Nuju was missing something. Something important.

"_Nuju…" _

Nuju was starting to make a mental note to himself about getting his ears checked. When had he become so scatterbrained and distracted that he didn't realize Matoro was again talking to him? And furthermore, how hadn't he noticed Matoro had gotten up and was standing in front of him? Holding a bird no less?

"_You're so out of it today!" _Matoro laughed. The small white bird nestled in his hands cooed and chirped at Nuju, as if agreeing with Matoro.

"_I-I'm sorry Matoro. I'm just a bit…" _the sentence hung weakly, as if the Turaga wasn't sure how to finish it, or how to explain himself. He was just so…confused? Apathetic? He honestly wasn't sure.

The Matoran sighed and sat back down beside Nuju, a bit closer this time, and sat the small bird down in his lap, petting its downy back and head.

"_Do you wish to stay?" _he suddenly asked.

Nuju ran the odd question through his head. Did he wish to stay? Well that wasn't vague, he thought sarcastically. He refrained from saying this aloud though. But what did it mean? Stay where? At the park?

Matoro seemed to sense his confusion and laughed lightly to himself.

"_You're so serious, Nuju." _He said with his room lighting smile.

A heavy, comforting heat flooded Nuju's chest at the sound of that light laugh and smiling face, those gentle features making his heart clench. He felt his skin prickle pleasantly feeling his Matoran so close to him. Even if it was like this, he didn't want this moment to end. It felt like he had been deprived of this sensation for so long, like a starving Rahi trapped in an icy cold cave.

Nuju swore he felt something burst with liquid heat inside of him as he felt his Matoran lean into his side. Light as the feathers covering the small bird and just as brittle, hypnotized by invisible wings and captivated by aquamarine irises. His Matoran was an angel.

A small arm curled around his own in a firm but gentle grip, only further serving to draw the Turaga in his own trance of peace. His blissful state was only interrupted by his long thought of Matoran as he spoke.

"_Do you wish to stay?" _he asked again.

Stay…stay here. With him. Away from all of those painful memories and places. Away from those accusing voices and gazes. To be swept away by this sensation. Stay here where everything was never wrong. Where nothing could possibly touch them.

Nuju lay his head over Matoro's and shut his eyes, inhaling the other's airy scent. He felt his mental resolve finally crumbling to dust, all hesitation and second guessing vanishing. There was no use fighting it.

Away from that place…

Away from those selfish people…

Away from sorrow…

Here with Matoro…

"_Yes…"_

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Nuju's eyes snapped open and he bolted upright with a startled yelp. His eyes frantically scanned the room with labored breath and a frantic heartbeat.

Desk, bookshelf, unpacked boxes, a few other chairs…his office. He was in his office. And that sound was-

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Nuju, are you alright?" that voice…Vakama?

Nuju blinked away his confusion and rubbed at his eyes blearily. Did he fall asleep at his desk again? How long had he been asleep?

The ice Turaga ignored the latter question and stood up, brushing his coat off to try and make himself look presentable. His hair had fallen forward from his head-down position and his glasses were skewed, not to mention his eyes were still bleary with sleep.

Another round of knocking prompted him out of his sleepy state as he rushed to the door and opened it.

And there was Vakama…and Nokama.

Nuju tried to ignore the slight sting of anger that briefly shot into his being and attempted to strike at his sister through his gaze alone. The saying 'if looks could kill' suddenly came to mind and he found it oddly fitting for this moment…

"_What is it?" _he asked levelly.

"We simply came to see if you were alright. We didn't see you at the meeting today." Vakama said in concern.

Nuju frowned at this. Meeting? Since when did they…?

Nuju took out his pocket watch and checked the time. And nearly cried out in shock. Spirits above and beyond, it was after noon! How the _hell _did he sleep in from five to nearly four!? And at his _desk _no less!

Nuju had to almost literally fight down the urge to make a disturbed face in front of his oblivious colleagues. No, the last thing he needed was for them to ask questions and for him to find some excuse other than falling asleep for a good twelve hours. Absolutely _not!_

He instead chose to backtrack into his office and leave the door open, his silent way of saying 'come in' to them. He sat heavily back in his seat at his desk, resisting the urge to lay his head on said desk. He was feeling a headache coming on for no apparent reason.

"I see you still haven't unpacked everything." Vakama said humorously, punctuating his words by using a large box as a foot rest after taking a seat in one of the desk chairs.

Nuju gave him an unimpressed look. It wasn't his fault he procrastinated on smaller issues…

"_And I see you still never got around to trimming that fur from your face. Can I offer you two a drink?" _the use of a comeback and a, though sarcastic, offer of a drink made Nokama roll her eyes and chuckle at the witty humor.

"No, no, we're fine. We simply came to see if you were alright." She said.

And there it was again, the insistent urge to say or do something foul to the water Turaga. It not only gave Nuju a headache from holding it back, but it also _frightened _him to no end. He had never, ever held ill thoughts towards any of his colleagues (well maybe Matau…) especially not towards Nokama of all people! And now he had gone from the incapability to say 'no' to her to wishing something would drop on her? What was wrong with him!?

"Nuju? Are you feeling alright?" Vakama asked in concern from the uneasy expression his icy brother wore.

Nuju quickly recovered his wits and schooled his features, resting his chin on his interlaced fingers over his desk.

"_Yes, I'm fine. Just a bit tired is all…" _he said.

"Are you sure? You look a bit pale." Nokama added.

Nuju resisted the, quite strong, urge to say something witty to her. Of course he was pale, he had always been a bit pale; more than half of his people were pale as death with their reputations of being Tower shut-ins to keep up. Which was somewhat surprising, what with all the sun they got in his Metru and Koro, but that was beside the point!

"_I'm fine Nokama." _He said lowly, just barely able to keep his response from sounding like a growl.

Her mere presence was making him angry. This was the same Turaga that told Jaller about what was to come, starting a chain reaction that eventually led to his Matoran's death.

It was all her fault. She told Jaller about Mata-nui's coming death, she prompted the Matoran to rebel against them, _she _influenced Jaller into offering a devil's deal to Matoro, _she _put him on that island, _she killed his Matoro! _

The sound of Vakama rising from his seat brought Nuju out of his murderous thoughts on the blue Turaga instantly, as if waking from a nightmare by a loud crash outside.

"Well, if you're sure you're alright. We were just concerned for you. Shall we go Nokama?" Vakama said.

"I'll be out in a moment. I wish to speak with Nuju alone for a moment." She said in a hushed tone. Vakama gave her a strange look, but none the less shrugged and turned for the door.

"Alright. I'll be waiting outside." He said, shutting the door behind himself.

Nuju frowned at this. Why was Nokama still here? What did she say to Vakama? And furthermore, _why couldn't she just leave!?_

Nokama looked at Nuju for a short moment before taking one of the two seats in front of his desk, propping her staff up against the other and folding her hands in her lap.

Silence…

The drop of a pin could have sounded even louder than a nuclear explosion, and the blink of an eye could shatter a glass building. Breath held and only let out in calculated puffs seemed like a tense and restrained snake ready to strike and cause a heart stopping panic. Its venom and fangs poised, the slightest movement or sound could set it strike or to unravel and retreat.

The snake waited, the mouse made no move. The snake grew impatient and hissed.

"_What is it you want?" _Nuju ground out in a level tone. It took a moment of more strained silence, but eventually the blue mouse twitched an ear and flicked her tail.

"I simply wish to talk with you, Nuju." She said softly. Nuju couldn't stop the slight frown that contorted his face and narrowed his already sharp eyes.

"_About what?" _his tone was starting to sharpen. So much like a snake flashing his fangs in warning.

Nokama shifted her gaze to the edge of Nuju's desk towards an overturned picture frame. Her right hand started to reach for it, but never made it so much as an inch from the desk before Nuju's own hand shot out to snatch it away, his eyes never meeting her's. Nokama watched him for a moment before lowering her hand back to her lap and sighing silently.

"Nuju…I know that you are hurting, and I know what-"

"_**Do **__you?" _Nuju questioned icily. He held the picture frame tightly in his tense hands, the wooden frame creaking from the pressure of his grip and shifting the glass.

Nokama paused in his interruption, as if reconsidering her choice in wording, before casting her gaze downwards with an almost unreadable expression.

"No…no, I don't," she started, "But I do know that your pain has ignited bitter emotions towards others."

Nuju heard her words, but didn't bother really listening to Nokama. Instead he focused on the picture he held of his lost Matoran. Perched on a slab of ice with that room lighting smile decorating his face, Kohlii stick in hand and the fire of eager anticipation lighting aquamarine orbs, his Matoran never looked so happy in a still motion setting.

The picture was taken just before the deciding Kohlii match against Ga-koro. His Matoran had been so excited for his match and so sure they'd win. But alas, a single barely off placed shot and a slip over a patch of ice lost them the game. Time ran out, and Ga-koro won by one point.

Matoro had been so disappointed that day, in himself for losing because of a fluke. Even though Nuju wasn't as disappointed in the least bit, Matoro wouldn't look him in the eye for the longest time. He felt he had greatly let his Turaga down, as well as their village and his partner Kopeke. He'd just been so sure of himself.

It took time and a good whack to the head, but Matoro eventually got over it with a bit of encouragement from Nuju. But only _after_ getting a serious chewing out from his worried Turaga. Apparently that little slip on the ice not only cost the game, but also twisted his ankle. And Matoro seemed to see fit to wait _three days _before it got bad enough for Nuju to notice a limp. Damn brat couldn't bother others even if he had a parasitic Kraata clinging to his face…

"Nuju?"

The ice Turaga blinked out of his thoughtfulness from his called name, averting his eyes upwards and away from the picture he held. Nokama was giving him a worried look and cocked her head curiously.

"Brother, are you certain you are alright? It honestly isn't like you to seem so…lost." She said.

Anger boiled in Nuju from just the mere sound of her voice. No, he wasn't alright. His precious Matoran was just stolen from him because of the very person that sat across from him. No, he wasn't alright, as their very god had stolen his child's life force and body to sustain his own. No, he wasn't alright, because a damned Ta-Matoran, now Toa, had to be a nosy brat and drag Matoro with him to his death, not once, but _twice_ in one fell swoop.

No, he would _never _be alright, because he never got to say goodbye to his boy, never got to hug him one last time with all he felt for Matoro, never got to tell him just how much he meant to him, never got a chance to stop him from leaving, and never, _ever_, will he get to tell him something that could have possibly stopped Matoro from leaving. Something that could have stopped him from feeling lonely, and stopped him from ever feeling sad ever again. _Never _would any of this be said or done now. _Never_.

All because of _them! _

Nokama, for her part, was surprised by the sudden flare of emotion in her brother's eyes. Never had she seen such…hate, anger, pure loathing in those dark depths in her whole life. She could never comprehend the thoughts that ran through the ice Turaga's mind, and never would she think such thoughts would even exist.

Oh if only she knew…

Nuju sighed and placed the picture back on his desk, upright this time, and interlaced his fingers together to rest his chin on. He avoided Nokama's gaze but held his angered frown.

"_I will say it once more Nokama. I am __fine__. If you want to continue worrying over me for no apparent reason, fine. But if you want to continue pestering me, there's the door." _He said tersely. He was sick and tired of her presence here. He wanted her gone and he wanted her gone _now_.

Again, Nokama was stunned by her brother's tone and words. Nuju wasn't a generally nice guy to everyone, but he was at the very least polite and tolerable around others when it came down to it. So it shocked Nokama to no end that he would outright say something like this to her of all people. He'd never been known to be generally mean to others for no reason, especially not her!

But the simple look into his eyes, seeing that blazing fire of anger and loathing, made her rethink just what she was doing and why she was here. She had no idea why Nuju seemed so angry. Sad, yes, his translator had just died. Those two had such a strong emotional connection; anyone could see it even if they never met the two. But this anger was unheard of.

Nokama digressed though. Nuju obviously wanted to be alone. And sometimes solitude was the best medicine for her icy brother. It was in his nature to want to be alone, whether to grieve or to hate, it didn't matter. Talking was not part of his natural law.

Hesitantly, Nokama rose from her seat and gripped her staff with a reluctant expression.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you Nuju. I and the other Turaga are just so worried for you." She said, "You've just because so…distant and quiet all of the sudden. We only wish to help you."

"_If you wish to help me, then please, just go…" _Nuju was suddenly exhausted for no apparent reason. Yet he felt that he could hardly restrain himself.

"Yes. If it helps, I'll go…" Nokama turned to pick up her staff, but upon doing so, disturbed a few boxes stacked on one another, topping the very top one over.

A stuffed penguin Rahi tangled in a blue and white scarf came tumbling out and flopped beside Nokama's feet.

Surprised was a good word to describe both Nokama's feelings and expression upon seeing the toy. But recognizing the scarf around it, it didn't take a genius to figure out just whose it was.

Nuju wasn't able to move at that moment, even as Nokama slowly bent down to pick the toy up and inspect it. He felt suddenly sick, unable to comprehend just what happened and who was now holding his Matoran's possession.

Nuju only barely managed to break free from his momentary paralysis when a small lump of stuffing fell from the penguin's ripped seams. Nokama also seemed to take note of this and carefully inspected the damaged area, before looking over at Nuju with an emotion he so very loathed to see in her eyes.

Pity; he absolutely _hated _the pity radiating from her. She actually had to gall to feel _sorry _for him? How dare she even consider even looking at him with so much as a spark of pity in her eyes? How _dare_ she even come here and touch _his _possession!?

The burning rage within Nuju's core was starting to become less and less easier to control, and if Nokama didn't put that toy down right now, he feared he would do something he'd regret.

"Nuju…if you like, I could mend this for you. It shouldn't be too hard to fix-"

"_Don't you dare!" _Nuju snapped and snatched the stuffed toy away from her, eyes a furious blue fire consuming sharp irises.

The tight hold around the stuffed toy caused a bit more of the stuffing to bulge out, but Nuju took no notice, but instead held his enraged gaze with Nokama in a clear indication that she had overstayed her welcome.

Again, Nokama searched her memory for anything that could have possibly set her brother off like this. This was just so unlike him to seem so…angry. Whether it was personally towards her or just anger in general, she didn't know, but she was getting a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that it was all her doing. Just how though, she was unsure.

This would only further enrage Nuju if she voiced this however.

Nokama was unable to recall back her intention to leave. Not just yet; something was wrong with Nuju, and as her caring demeanor demanded, she wanted to find out and try and sooth what it was that was angering him.

"Nuju…please, I know there is something bothering you." She started. "I and the others only want to help you. Matoro's death was an unexpected blow for all of us…"

Numbness washed over Nuju at her words. How…dare she? How dare she patronize him like this? How dare she even speak his name? How dare she even so much as _try _and seem like a caring person to him?

How dare she even still stand there and _breathe_…

"_Get out." _He growled.

Nokama had to take a moment to process just what Nuju demanded of her. Once it was clear that she wasn't hearing things, she still wasn't able to fully comprehend his harsh request.

"Nuju, wha-"

"_I said __**get out!**__" _he snapped before she could finish.

His sharp eyes took on a bright hue of white and light blue, hands clenched in skin-splitting fists, and his body tensed in an aggressive posture, wound up tightly as if ready to strike out. The slight glow of his eyes and white flush of his skin was a warning; the former Toa Metru had all learned long ago that Nuju's mask had a mental connection to his brain and emotions.

He had only ever displayed such drastic anger like this two other times. Once after he and Whenua managed to somehow get into a brawl over some matter or another, and the other time being when Ehrye shoved Matoro into the river. It took eight Matoran and three hours to dig Ehrye out of the mini-avalanche Nuju buried him in. Although that didn't help Matoro's physical condition a few hours later, as he had consequently caught a cold that eventually turned into pneumonia from his unplanned swim. Nuju wouldn't let Ehrye within twelve feet of Matoro for two weeks after that little incident.

But compared to those past two incidents…neither of them could measure up to the sheer anger in those eyes. The temperature of the room even seemed to drop a good few degrees as well. Nuju was angry towards her, and she hadn't the faintest idea why. This only made him angrier at how blind she was.

Nokama didn't miss the slight trembling of some of the more lethal things in the room, particularly the envelope opener on the desk that was slightly glowing from Nuju's unconscious psychic reach for it. He wanted her out obviously, and he wanted her out _now_. But her persistence won out over her personal concern.

"Nuju, please, just why are you-"

"_Did I stutter? I said get out! I don't want to see you or hear your damned voice ever again!" _

"Nuju! What has gotten into-"

"_I told you to get out! If you're really having so difficult a time containing your own mouth, then go tell someone to get him and his friends to jump off a bridge like before! Just get out!" _

'_Like before…? What does he mean by-…' _Something seemed to click in Nokama's head at his odd statement. But it only served to sadden her further with guilt.

'_He…thinks it's my fault Matoro died…' _she thought sadly.

Normally she would see something like this as nonsense. But oddly enough, just knowing that it was she that told Jaller, a Matoran so well known for taking unnecessary and extreme actions, of what was to come, was a good measure to quell logic. He would never go at it alone, so it was obvious enough that he would try and get help. Matoro, already knowing of the situation, would have been easier to recruit. And the others just followed along with Jaller.

These facts alone, and oddly enough, knowing that it was _Matoro _who died because of it, dropped a burden of guilt into Nokama's heart. And in a way, it made sense that Nuju would be angry with her. If anything, it was a bit justified. Simply because it was a Matoran like Matoro that had to die…

A knock at the door was heard before Vakama peeked in on them, obviously wondering why Nokama was taking so long.

"Everything alright? It was getting a bit loud in here." He said in concern.

No one said anything, but the slight movement of random objects stopped and the room temperature ceased to fall. But Nuju himself still held that tense posture and piercing eyes solely locked onto Nokama, as if he didn't hear Vakama come in.

There was a bit of a stare down for a brief moment, Nokama's sun-yellow orbs locked onto Nuju's ice-core irises. One set was saddened with newly brought guilt, the other bearing vast amounts of hatred and fury reserved for those infuriating suns just opposite of his.

Vakama stood off to the side, slightly confused as to what the tension was about. A moment passed before Nuju finally sighed in exhaustion from the other side of his desk, leaning over it with a lowered head and silver bangs veiling his hidden features.

"_Get out. Just…get out." _He rasped.

"Hm? Nuju, what's going on-"

"Vakama, it's fine. Let's…let's just go." Nokama cut in before Vakama could get in too deep and possibly get into a fight with Nuju.

The fire Turaga gave both Nuju and Nokama a curious look, but did not question anything as Nokama ushered him along and to the door. Before she left, Nokama gave Nuju a grieving look, then left with a silent apology.

The office now void of all life besides his own, Nuju let out a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding up until now. Biting his lip and his frame trembling, Nuju collapsed onto his chair with his face in his hands.

He just sat there for an unknown amount of time, shaking and breathing uneasily in repressed emotion. He felt so confused, so lost and tired. He didn't know what to do or feel. This was too much! He didn't want to be here anymore! He didn't want to be a part of this nightmare! He wanted to wake up already!

He wanted to see Matoro again!

The world you are in now is nothing but a nightmare…

But…no, this wasn't a dream, this was his reality…wasn't it?

_Is _it?

'_I…I don't know anymore!' _Nuju keened and clutched his head, a rather violent tremor wracking his body as he did so.

This is nothing but a nightmare…

But it was his life! This wasn't a dream, it couldn't be!

It has to be a nightmare though…

Why?

Because _he _isn't here.

Nuju's eyes snapped open and stared at the floor blankly. That's…that's right…_he _wasn't here. This _had _to be a nightmare if _he _isn't in it.

'_This…this is nothing…but a bad dream?' _he thought.

Yes…it had to be. This wasn't right. This world he was in now, so full of pain and anger, it wasn't real! It was just some sick dream! And Matoro…

He's waiting for Nuju. Waiting for him to wake up! He had to wake up!

Awaken by sleeping…

That's right…if he fell asleep here, then he'd wake back up in his real world, with Matoro right by his side. But…but what if he had this nightmare again and _couldn't _wake up again? What if he remained trapped here forever? How could he possibly keep himself asleep here?

_How do you think?_

As if on autopilot, Nuju's icy gaze fell onto the envelope opener. Mechanically, he picked it up by the handle and touched its sharp edge. The silver of the blade glistened seductively in the low light of the office, making it oh so very tempting to touch…

Sleep…sleep forever and wake back up where he's supposed to be. Wake up from this nightmare, and stay awake forever. Never will he fall asleep and wake to this nightmare, but instead to his little Matoran. Never having to worry about this hellish nightmare…

Sleep forever and never feel pain…

Forever sleep…yes, that's what he wanted. To sleep forever, and never again have to wake up in pain or anger. He'd be free; free of this anguish and sadness. His Matoran wasn't dead, he was alive, just waiting for him to wake up and stay awake. He was waiting for Nuju…

He's waiting for you. Now wake up…

And sleep…

It wasn't even a light graze of the wrist, rather a blade being buried into its enemy's flesh. The crimson river that flowed over the wooden surface of the desk wasn't even noticed, not when such a blissful haze was descending upon his vision. Like the last curtain call to a gruesome symphony, his hellish play was over without an encore.

He didn't even register just when he shakily laid his head upon his desk and blearily watched the velvet flow of blood. He just knew that he was going to wake up soon.

Nuju smiled. Matoro's waiting for him. He had to wake up soon! Who knows how much he's missed already?

'_Matoro…I'm coming…just wait a little…longer…'_ he shut his eyes.

Although, somewhere in the back of his mind, some small part of him became frightened as he watched his own blood travel down and soak into that stuffed toy.

_His _toy…

Huh, he wondered why it was in this nightmare…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

His head hurt. That was the first thing that registered into Nuju's mind at the moment, and honestly, it was _really _hard to ignore. He felt almost as bad as that one time Whenua bet him he couldn't lift a boulder with his mask without getting a migraine. The earth Turaga was proven wrong, but not without consequence. Nuju suffered the migraine of his life for the longest time, thus subjecting Matoro with a sickly attitude and a bad mood-

'_Wait…Matoro…' _that's right…he…was he awake now?

It took him a surprisingly high amount of strength, but Nuju eventually managed to finally crack open his bleary eyes and stare up at the blurry image of sandy blue and white image above him. Slowly it started to clear, and it was by far the most beautiful image he's ever seen.

But oddly, the lack of the smile seemed to give the Matoran's image an aura of…sadness? Nuju didn't know or care at the moment. He was awake now…

"_Nuju…" _The Matoran said in greeting.

It took yet another moment for Nuju to realize where he was lying and the exact area. They were still at the park, and he himself was lying on the bench with his head in Matoro's lap. Nuju would have been frightfully embarrassed in any other situation, but…

'_It doesn't matter now does it? It's just us here…' _he thought as he carefully sat up facing Matoro.

They stared at each other for a long while. Matoro held a curious and slightly…concerned? Saddened? Some kind of a look. Nuju wasn't sure. Nor did he seem to care at the moment.

The Matoran cocked his head curiously at Nuju's thoughtful gaze.

"_Nuju…?" _he inquired.

Nuju couldn't take it anymore. His arms automatically reached out and locked around the Matoran's slight frame, securing his small body into his embrace and burying his face into his soft hair. This smell, this warmth, this body, it was all there, and it was all he could ever need.

The Matoran seemed surprised, but after a hesitant moment, carefully wrapped his own arms around Nuju's shoulders, simply letting the Turaga hold him, letting him bask in his comforting presence.

He wasn't smiling though…

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Kopeke once again stopped to look at the sealed letter in his hand, uncertainty visible on his usually emotionless face.

It was odd, that this letter, completely unopened, had been given to him from Matoro to hang onto a few months ago. Back then, his friend was still alive and well, completely devoid of any sign that he had been planning to leave.

And yet here he was now. His friend had run off with a group of Matoran, became a Toa, and then died in the process of saving them all from destruction. It had pained Kopeke so much during those lonely months, but not as much as it did when he heard of Matoro's death. His best friend was dead. And this letter was the last piece of him he had left behind.

It amazed Kopeke that he only gained this letter a few months ago, and what he was supposed to do with it…

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

"I need you to do me a favor." Matoro said, holding the letter.

Kopeke was still trying to process what he was seeing and hearing through his sleep-hazed mind. At first he thought he may have been dreaming, but with the determination blazing in Matoro's eyes, along with some other unknown emotion, he figured this was real.

"Um, okay, what's up?" he asked, rubbing the last remnants of sleep from his eyes.

Matoro held out the letter to him as he spoke.

"I need you to hang onto this for me…" he said softly.

Kopeke took the letter, staring at it for a moment. He flipped it this way and that. He saw no real significant uniqueness to it, not even a name, or any sign of importance, aside from Matoro's signature cursive 'M' up in the right corner with the halo over it. It didn't even feel like it held more than one piece of paper.

"What do I do with it?" he asked.

"Just…keep it with you…" Matoro started, "And I want you to give it to the Turaga, but only when the time is right."

"When the…time is right? Why not give it to him in the morning when-"

"I don't have much time."

Nuju wasn't the only person who seemed to sense a strange power in Matoro's voice. Kopeke had more than once experienced the impact of what Matoro's emotional voice could do to him as well. From shudders, to twitches, to smiles, to tears, but he had never felt this sudden pulse of…fear?

Matoro simply smiled at his confused expression, that small smile never failing to reassure or confuse Kopeke further. In this situation, it actually scared him because of this unexplained unease.

"Please, just trust me Kopeke. I won't be able to give that letter to him tomorrow…" his aquamarine eyes became glassy, but his smile never faltered, "I hate to ask these things of you, but please, trust me and hear me out…"

Kopeke slowly nodded, seemingly unable to do anything more than to simply obey Matoro as if he was some kind of deity. These moments where all that existed were his voice and words were never common, but when they occurred, no one was able to break from Matoro's spell.

"One, don't tell _anyone _that I was here tonight. Two, don't give this letter to anyone except our Turaga. Three, don't give it to him tomorrow or the next day. You have to wait until the time is right. And four…" Matoro's frame shuddered briefly and his hands shook, "Once you give it to him, please…smile okay? I don't want either of you to be sad…"

These whispered words, so full of emotion and sadness, struck something loudly in Kopeke. As if an alarm was raised, something inside of him was screaming at him to not let Matoro leave, to stop the other Matoran from doing…what was he doing anyways?

"Matoro…why are you saying all of this?" he asked in concern.

Glowing aquamarine eyes glazed over briefly, their natural shine becoming dull. A slight frown crossed over Matoro's brow, as if he was contemplating Kopeke's words. Or simply thinking of something else altogether. A moment passed before he finally shook the expression off and smiled again, his eyes returning to their normal brightness.

"Kopeke, please, just…promise me these things. I can't ask anything more from you." He said.

Promise me, he said. He's practically _begging _Kopeke to just do as he says, no questions asked. Matoro almost _never _begged in his whole life. He could pretty much get anything he wanted with his eyes alone, but he never once begged for anything in his life! He's mock-begged before to Nuju, more or less to just annoy him, but this…this was out of pure _desperation. _What was so important that his best friend would come to him begging like this?

Just say yes and take the letter…

A small part of him was saying this. Another larger part was becoming suspicious and concerned. But…this was also Matoro he was talking about. What could he possibly get himself into that would make Kopeke worry? Certainly something not worth getting concerned over, he was sure. But…those eyes…

'_Why are they so…sad?' _he thought.

Another pause, silence descending like an uncomfortable veil, before Kopeke sighed with a small nod.

"Alright. I promise I'll follow all you've said. But…you had better explain yourself later on, okay?" he said.

A slight widening of the other Matoran's eyes surprised Kopeke. Again, that unknown emotion flashed into those clear irises, but was gone long before he could place a name on it.

The corners of his lips slightly twitched, but he still smiled to Kopeke all the same.

"Yeah…yeah, sure." He said.

"Right…but…how will I know when to give this to him?" Kopeke asked uncertainly.

"You'll know. But you have to wait; it might take days, weeks…months…" Matoro trailed off, as if lost. "But…you'll know. You just have to wait is all, okay?"

"…yeah, okay."

"Promise me?"

"I promise."

Kopeke wasn't prepared for the sudden rush of blood to his face when Matoro suddenly hugged him, that in itself he wasn't prepared for either. Nor this…strange sensation he got from it. That numb chill he at first embodied from Matoro was suddenly dissipating by the heat of Matoro's slighter frame. Matoro had always been ever slightly shorter than him, but much narrower, he noted deftly.

Though why he was suddenly taking note of Matoro's physique, Kopeke would never know. What he did know, however, was that whatever worry he held for his friend was just melting. But…at the same time…something was hurting.

'_What…is this?' _he thought.

He was stuck though, unable to move. How a simple Matoran such as Matoro managed to once again cast him, as well as many others, under some hazy spell was beyond him. He knew, somehow, that he was supposed to be feeling concerned, worried for Matoro and his odd words and actions. But now…he simply couldn't with the other hugging him so reassuringly like this! He felt like he had no choice but to comply, as if it were Mata-nui's own words!

It felt all too soon that Matoro released him again, leaving him stuck in that spot with no such willpower to move or speak anymore. Once again, Matoro had managed to cast a spell upon him like he has done to so many others…

"Thank you Kopeke. You have no idea how grateful I am to you for this." He said.

'_But…why?' _Kopeke couldn't help but think.

Giving one last smile, Matoro turned to leave, never once turning back even as Kopeke chased him down with only his eyes, still unable to move from his doorway.

'_Wait…n-no wait Matoro, where are you going?' _

He couldn't move. He couldn't go to him.

'_Matoro, wait! What's going on!? You said you'd tell me!'_

He said he'd tell him. Kopeke promised he'd do as Matoro instructed, but he had to tell him why!

'_Wh-why am I so scared all of a sudden? Matoro, where are you going? Wh-why are you leaving!?'_

Hands shook terribly around the sealed envelope Matoro left him. Lips unable to form words and legs unable to run, it felt like Kopeke was being held prisoner.

'_Matoro! Please, turn around! Why are you so sad? Why am I so scared!?'_

Helpless. He was completely and utterly _helpless _from stopping him. Completely helpless to this fear, this sudden chill, this stinging heat in his eyes and throat. There was no escape…

'_Matoro! Please! Turn around! Come back! Please! Tell me what is going on!' _

Those eyes…there was something in his eyes! But there was no escape. He was doomed. Doomed to drown in the tears capsizing down his face. He wouldn't turn around. He wouldn't look back at Kopeke. He just kept walking. Yet it felt like he was slowly vanishing.

'_Please…! M-Matoro! Come back…! Matoro…!'_

No escape, no turning back, his friend was gone.

He walked smiling into his own grave…

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

Months. That was all months ago, and at that time, it had taken Kopeke almost five minutes to manage a twitch. Then another two minutes for him to run ahead and search the square for his friend. But he was not to be found, as if he had vanished into thin air.

And then the next day, he heard the rumors of Matoro, along with five others and Takanuva, leaving the city on some unknown quest at the time. Kopeke at first denied and dismissed the rumors as they were, just rumors.

But the days passed, eventually turning to weeks, and finally Kopeke had to face facts. His best friend had run off to aid their Toa on some unknown island. Worse yet, with Matoro's final words still fresh in his mind, Kopeke's unease only seemed to grow until it froze over his very being.

And now, with news of Matoro's death still heavy in the air of their city, Kopeke found that _this _was the right time to give his Turaga the letter Matoro left him.

But it…still unsettled him. Matoro had said, once he gave the letter to Nuju, to smile. How could he possibly smile _now? _How could he possibly find any means to smile when his best friend was dead?

How could _Matoro _ask him to do such a thing at such a time…?

Kopeke looked at the letter again, his eyes scanning over the signature up in the corner. He had more than once contemplated opening it to read it for himself, but would later dismiss such ideas with a frown. It was disrespectful to read something meant for someone else. But it had been a temptation since his friend left, and an even bigger temptation when he died.

He often wondered, just what was in this letter that Matoro couldn't tell Nuju beforehand? Well, all things considered, if it contained anything of him leaving, Nuju would probably lock him in a closet or tie him to a chair until he changed his mind. But if this was so, it must hold something other than his leaving. Maybe of why he left? Last words? A will maybe?

'_Ugh, I feel like I'm gonna be sick…' _he thought miserably as he passed two others passing by.

"Hm? Kopeke?"

Kopeke's head snapped up from its usual 'keep your head down' position and swiftly turned towards the voice in question.

Noticing the two Turaga before him looking at him in concern, Kopeke took a second to reboot his brain and shake himself out of his pondering.

"O-oh, Turaga, s-sorry." He made a hasty bow. "U-um…c-can I…help you with something?"

"No, you're fine young one." Vakama reassured.

Nokama, however, seemed to take notice of the direction Kopeke was heading for and cocked her head slightly to one side.

"Are you…going to Nuju's?" she asked.

"Um…yeah. I uh…h-have to give him this…letter…" Kopeke held up said letter in question, and the reaction was almost instant.

Everyone who worked closely with Matoro knew his signature. The Turaga were no exception, as Nuju wasn't the only one he'd spare time for to help out. His signature doubled as a habitual doodle on documents or papers he was asked to work on, and anybody who's ever asked for his help in that department _knew _his signature.

So to say it was a shock to the Turaga to see said signature on that letter when said owner of the signature was dead, would probably be so understated it wasn't even worth calling out.

"Kopeke…where…did you get that letter?" Vakama asked carefully.

Kopeke seemed to finally notice the error he made in showing the front of the letter to the Turaga, and so hid it behind his back with wide eyes.

"U-um…I-I don't know what you mean…" he said nervously, _'Crap…' _was his first thought.

But it was no use trying to hide anything, no one would have the nerve to copy a dead boy's signature, let alone deliver it to a mourning Turaga who was so close to said deceased.

Kopeke sighed and dropped his arms to his sides.

"The letter's from Matoro…" He started. A startled gasp from the two Turaga, but he interrupted before they could barrage him with questions.

"H-he gave it to me before he left for Voya-nui. He…made me promise to give it to Turaga Nuju when…when the time was right…and…well…" Kopeke trailed off, as if unsure of what else to say. He was not good with words in the slightest.

That being said, it took a _long _moment for the two Turaga to process what the Matoran said. It wasn't everyday you run across a dead man's letter being prewritten before his death and delivered by a friend. Which seemed to raise a few questions.

Why would Matoro write a letter and tell Kopeke to hang onto it? Why not leave it behind for Nuju to find? Why give it to Nuju _now? _And more importantly, _why _would he write the letter in the first place?

A sudden thought entered Vakama and Nokama's minds as to maybe why, but the mere idea nearly made them sick to even think about. There was no way Matoro would _know_…

"Kopeke…would you allow us to accompany you in giving that letter to Nuju?" Nokama asked. Vakama gave her a confused look.

"U-um…I-I don't mind." Kopeke said nervously. He felt awkward.

Nokama nodded and looked back at Vakama, as if asking with her eyes alone if he would come as well. It was hard to say no to her, but in Vakama's case, and in this situation, it was mission impossible on steroids.

So agreeing to accompany her and Kopeke, he and the others changed direction towards the ice Turaga's dwelling.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

He was at peace.

This, and a few other positive things were the only things running through the Turaga's mind at the moment. That incisive nagging in the back of his head had finally simmered down into an almost unnoticeable mutter, and all previous worries and suspicions were long gone and buried.

Nothing in or outside his mind can harm them here. The nightmare was over and he was awake!

But even so, his little Matoran didn't seem…well, like he used to be. He seemed…lost almost, always staring off with a thoughtful expression; which was pretty normal for his Matoran, but still. It wasn't really sadness he could read, but it wasn't necessarily happiness Nuju read either. The Turaga couldn't place his finger on it. It seemed to radiate…melancholy? Serenity? He honestly didn't know.

Just relax and enjoy your time with him, was his unconscious thought.

Well it was also pretty hard to argue with the suggestion anyways. Nuju had never felt so at peace in so long! Not that he's ever really tried anyways, Nuju was known to be stubborn when it came to 'taking it easy'. Much like his assistant, if he wasn't working on something, he always felt like he was being lazy, unfulfilled.

But this was different obviously. Yes, this was purely for the sake of their own pleasures…

Just the two of them relaxing in their favorite spot in the Ice Gardens.

The Ice Gardens were famous for their breath taking ice formations and brilliant array of colors and lights reflecting off of the crystal like structures. And since they were situated on the higher grounds of the outskirts of Ko-metru, they were known to be the beacon sources of the famous Aurora Lights.

It wasn't rare or too common for him and Matoro to willingly take a bit of a breather, or as Matau often called it, their 'bonding time'. Both he and his Matoran were natural workers with a shark's instinct to constantly move. But when they did stop and just laze about, it was mostly spent in the solitude of one of their homes or here in the gardens.

The frozen tree they sat under to avoid the stark white sun was always their favored destination. It was in a more secluded spot, no one ever disturbed them. Just them and whatever wildlife seemed to wander by.

"_Do you regret it?"_

…well that came out of nowhere, now didn't it? Well, at least now Nuju was getting used to unusual questions or statements. Forty-eight hours of being on the receiving end of such things does that to you, he supposed.

"_Regret what?" _he asked.

The Matoran nestled against his side didn't answer right away, instead choosing to pick off the tiny icicles on a low branch beside him. His face was somber, not necessarily emotionless or sad. Apathetic was a good word to describe it, but it still seemed off somehow…

Nuju slightly nudged him after a moment curiously. The Matoran quit playing with the icicles and sighed.

"_What do you-"_

"_I didn't want you to get hurt…"_

A slight ringing invaded Nuju's hearing at those words. It was…so odd. That those words would send such a powerful shudder down his spine. To cause this nauseating feeling in his stomach, and sting so sharply he might as well have stabbed him with one of those icicles.

The sudden sensations faded in a quick pulse of blood rushing through his body, and he frowned.

"_I…don't understand." _He honestly didn't, but at the same time, he wanted to deny it…

Matoro sighed and folded his hands in his lap, staring at some unknown point of the ground. Nuju's frown tightened in concern for his little Matoran. The arm he had around Matoro's shoulders shifted slightly as he rested his hand over his snowy head.

"_Matoro, what's wrong?" _he asked worriedly.

Another sigh, and a sudden tensing of shoulders, Matoro was still staring ahead with that not so blank expression.

"_You hurt yourself…to see me again."_ He said.

Again, that slight sting, and a jolt of his heart, like a small burst of adrenaline. It was like he was striking a match. It wouldn't light, only spark after the first few strikes. This spark was still weak, but slightly brighter than the last. Like something he was supposed to realize was starting to come back but also failing to light itself up.

"_I…I don't know what you mean." _Nuju said, his arm tightening slightly around Matoro's narrow shoulders.

"_Don't lie to me Nuju…"_

Strike three, the spark nearly ignited, but was still so far off. That heated throbbing in his chest was starting to burn, the sting slowly being magnified by it. A nagging voice, that part of him he thought he was completely rid of, seemed to awaken with a vengeance and rattled its cage bars like a trapped beast.

And although the statement by the Matoran was more of a plea than a scolding chide, the way it was said…

"_I'm not lying." _He said, almost desperately.

You're a liar…

'_I'm not lying to him!' _Nuju mentally kicked the source of that annoying secondary consciousness.

You're even lying to yourself. How quaint…

Matoro didn't respond, but averted his eyes to Nuju for what felt like the first time since he woke up. The once flickering spark ignited for the briefest moment before dying out, but it was slowly starting to build.

"_Nuju…why did you hurt yourself?"_ he asked.

What…was he talking about? That nightmare of a world he was in? That damned _hell_ where Matoro was supposed to have been dead in? How did he know about it?

"_Matoro, it was…just a nightmare. I didn't really hurt myself." _He tried to reassure with a nervous smile.

Something flashed in Matoro's eyes, as if Nuju was watching that imaginary match being struck yet again in a failed attempt at lighting. There was…something was wrong here…

'_No, that's impossible, NOTHING is wrong here! Nothing CAN be wrong here!' _he thought.

"_You know that isn't true…"_

The match finally lit with one last, painful strike. That small flame burnt through the tight restraint that held back all logic and denied thoughts. Once it was released, it came crashing into Nuju like a freight train going downhill.

No…no, no, nonononoNO!

"_You're WRONG!"_

Ironic, the last time he ever used his voice was to scream for the same Matoran he was now using his voice for now. Even more ironic was that he was using said voice to tell the one Matoran that could bring him to his knees that he was _wrong._ So much like before…

Matoro made no such sign that he was effected by the shout, less so did he seem to react much at all with that unthinkable light in those eyes.

"_Nuju…"_ he started, moving back towards his shuddering Turaga.

The Turaga seemed to register that he had jumped up when he yelled at Matoro, which seemed to explain why the Matoran had to tip his head back slightly to look up at his taller elder. Nuju didn't move or make a sound as Matoro reached out and gently grasped onto the fold in his Turaga's coat, an old habit Nuju had long since learned from past experience that Matoro wanted him to listen to him, and listen good.

"_Nothing__ is wrong here though…"_

Nothing is wrong here…nothing _can _be wrong here…because it was perfect…

_Too _perfect…

Matoro had once asked Nuju why he and many other Ko-Matoran didn't look back to the past, whether for memories or guidance.

"_Because we see no use for past decisions and actions." _He has said, _"All that matters to us is the here and now. The past is irrelevant." _

The Matoran absorbed these words without a change of expression or sound, like a plant taking in water or soaking in sunlight. There was no emotion, but it wasn't devoid of feelings, just a simple moment of taking in what was heard and processing it.

A slight sigh escapes the Matoran after a moment, a light smile of bemusement on his face accompanied by a shake of the head.

"_Close-mindedness will only get you so far."_ He said, _"And it will only make a journey longer and harder." _

Those words…that voice…both were so strong yet so gentle, as if spoken by a kind deity teaching his children a valued lesson. And it left the impression it was meant to leave, as if Matoro truly was of some higher power.

But even so, Nuju thought the answer he gave his Matoran about looking to the past was his real feelings on the matter. However…

It seems that, even before now, Nuju had been lying to himself…

He didn't look to the past because it was irrelevant or meaningless. No, he didn't look back because…

Because he feared the past…

So many painful memories, so many lives he'd never see again, so many tears, so many mistakes, and far too much heartbreak. True, the future was scary to many, but it didn't bring you pain. The past meant pain. The future held possibilities. Possibilities of more pain, yes, but at least he could forget about it and wouldn't see it coming. Or…so he had hoped…

Nothing was wrong here. Nothing _could _be wrong here. Because it was his perfect world…

But there was no future in it…

Nothing for either of them. Just an endless expanse of a pure white world. No future, no past, no memories. Just the two of them…

_Do you still wish to lie to yourself?_

…no…no, but this was his only escape! Matoro was here! It didn't matter to Nuju if there was no future or past. As long as he had Matoro with him, he'd be okay!

He's dead though.

But he's _here!_

How do you know?

'_Because…! He's right here! I can see him, I can hear him, I can touch him! It's all right there!' _Nuju thought desperately.

_But is he truly_ _alive__?_

A smaller hand grasped at his own in a gentle hold. The small contact forced Nuju to raise his head to his Matoran with wide eyes and a trembling frame. His Matoran continued to smile, though sadly, at him, his small hand warm against his trembling digits.

"_I may be here with you…"_ he picked up Nuju's hand and placed it against his narrow chest above his heartstone, holding it firmly in place, _"But there's nothing in_ _here__…"_

His hand placed flat against his Matoran's chest, Nuju could easily feel the heat radiating off of the glowing gem imbedded in his chest. The light rise and fall of each breath he took. And his-…

No…

His…no, it wasn't there…his heart…

His heart wasn't beating…

That fragile little drum, it wasn't there. There was no such movement behind that thin layer of skin, bone, and armor. And now that Nuju looked closer, he could plainly see that his heartstone wasn't even glowing, but merely reflecting the light around them in a mirror imitation. His heart was motionless…

His Matoran was dead…

'_No…no please, tell me this is a lie, this isn't real!' _

It never was real…

'_But…but I'm not asleep!'_

How do you know?

'_Because he's…! He's…' _

Matoro is _dead_…

Too much. This was too much. It was impossible for Nuju to register falling to his knees with a despaired keen, trembling from head to toe at the realization. His face buried itself into his hands as a sob wracked his frame, aching chills freezing over his very soul. This wasn't a dream, nor was it reality…

It was just the plain _truth_…

Matoro was dead. His little boy was _dead_. A child that had grown too old while still young was _dead_. An angel in their mortal world had just _died_. All for the sake of selfish people and selfish lives. His beloved Matoran had died all for them, all just for _him!_

And he tried to…

'_Oh god…oh god no…!' _A loud sob rang through the still air.

Hopelessness filled his frame and pushed out hot tears in its wake. How could this have happened, were his thoughts. First Ihu dies, then his precious Matoran, and now…now…

"_Oh god…! Matoro…why!?" _was all he could sob out.

Thin arms encircled his torso, ushering him to rest his head on a knobby shoulder and against a thin neck. His tears wouldn't stop falling, and the pain and fear wouldn't leave him, he couldn't stop!

But Matoro didn't stop him. He just held him and let him cry like the Turaga had done for Matoro so many times.

It was…almost ironic, Nuju vaguely noted in the back of his mind. Their positions were almost always reversed, Matoro softly crying on his shoulder with him simply holding the Matoran and reassuring him. Now it was he who was seeking comfort, and from the same person he himself used to hold. He could almost laugh if he wasn't so emotional at the moment!

"_I don't know why…"_ The Matoran started, _"I just know that it was my time."_

"_No it wasn't! You…you're so young…you have so much ahead of you! Why did you have to die!?" _Nuju rasped.

Matoro's eyes half lidded at his words, as if lost in a moment of thought. He sighed and nudged his head into the crook of his Turaga's neck. Nuju managed to unravel himself enough to tightly secure his own arms around the Matoran's thin frame, locking him in place against his chest.

"_It's not fair…" _he rasped.

"_Life isn't fair Nuju. It's…very cruel."_ Matoro said softly, _"More crueler than death, is life."_

More crueler than death, is life. Yes…yes, that summed it up perfectly. People say life is a gift, and yet, there will always, always be pain in life. In death, there is only rest, endless sleep. While in the world of the living, there is mourning, pain, grieving, anguish, and so many broken dreams and hearts.

Life was cruel. Death was just its way of letting tattered souls rest…

And Matoro…sweet little Matoro, was certainly a beaten soul. So many scars, so many tears, yet so many smiles. He could be bloody, broken, and dying on a cold floor and still smile at someone to reassure them. It was simply how he was. So pure, yet so tainted. Kind, yet with a cruel mind. He smiles, yet he cries. An angel with the wings of both a swan and a raven.

Matoro was not blind to the world. He wasn't an innocent child. He wasn't naïve. He had long since lost all shreds of what someone his age should be like. He had too many scars; he was too wise, far beyond his years, even beyond a few Turaga's years.

So of course Matoro wouldn't be crying right now. He simply understood it all too well to feel sorry for himself.

They tightly held each other for what felt like hours, when it was only a few minutes. Nuju had finally calmed down to shuddering faintly. His Matoran continued to hold him, his small hands gently yet firmly wrapped around his shoulders. They didn't move, Nuju didn't want to. It was…too real.

But it's _not _real…

No…no, it wasn't. This was all…just a terrible, cruel dream. But now…Nuju couldn't wake up.

"_Nuju…"_ the named Turaga still didn't want to move, didn't even want to acknowledge his Matoran. He just wanted to hold him.

"_You have to wake up."_ Matoro said.

"_Wake up? How? I…the knife…I cut myself…! I can't wake up!" _Nuju rasped. It was getting a bit harder for him to continue talking with his bird-speak while crying like this…

"_But you can…"_ Matoro gripped his Turaga's shoulders firmly. It took a few tries, but Matoro managed to pry Nuju's arms off of him and lock their gazes together.

"_You just have to let me go."_ He added with a light smile.

Let…let him go? What did he mean by 'let him go'?

You know exactly what he means.

'_No…no! I couldn't just…just let him go! I won't! I can't!' _Sensing his Turaga's distress, Matoro grabbed his shaking hands in his own and squeezed them in reassurance.

"_Please Nuju, let me go. This isn't worth it."_

"_Your DEATH wasn't worth it!" _

_SLAP!_

A pained stinging sensation bloomed over Nuju's right cheek. Once gentle aquamarine eyes were constricted into icy slits. A harsh frown with a stone cold stare, if it weren't for his familiar physical appearance, one would assume that this was not the same Matoran. It simply was not like Matoro at all!

A slow sigh and his expression softened, but not enough to look exactly like Matoro's usual face again. It more or less looked like a warning gaze. 'I'm not mad at you, but I will snap again if you push me', was what it seemed to say.

"_You're not a selfish person Nuju."_ He started, _"So don't act like one."_

Selfish…? But how was he-…

"_Your DEATH wasn't worth it!"_

…no…no, he _was _selfish. But…it still seemed so…Matoro shouldn't have died! He was just…that was it, he wasn't someone who should have died like this! He was too kind, too honest, it never should have happened!

But it did…

Nuju shuddered, touching a palm to his reddened cheek as a shaky sigh escaped his lips. He was so tired…he didn't want to wake up. He didn't want Matoro to leave again. He didn't want to be alone again. He was afraid. He was afraid of being alone again.

"…_why? Why did you die? Why did you…leave me like that?" _he sobbed.

"…_I honestly don't know Nuju. I just…knew I had to go. Like destiny."_ Matoro said softly.

Nuju swallowed audibly at his words. He never thought he'd feel so…defiant of his own beliefs in his life. It was so painful.

Nuju sighed shakily, his head falling onto Matoro's shoulder in exhaustion. He was so, so tired. This was too much.

"_Nuju, please…please wake up."_ Matoro pleaded softly, squeezing his shaking hands, _"Don't be like me. Don't end up like I did all those years ago! I would never forgive myself knowing that my death caused you so much pain that you would grow to hate everyone around you…please, don't be like me."_

Don't be like me…Matoro didn't want Nuju to become that hateful, angry, hurting soul Matoro used to be all those years ago. He didn't want Nuju to hate. He didn't want Nuju to hold onto this sickness. He didn't want Nuju to hold it so close to his heart that it would infect him and spread like a disease through his body. He didn't want Nuju to _hurt…_

"_Please Nuju, wake up…" _he pleaded, _"For me?"_

For me, he said. Two words Nuju could never, ever defy, even when he was alive and being a brat. Two magic words that could bring him to his knees. Honestly, he shouldn't be so shocked of this anymore, but still, it baffles him.

"_I…don't know if I can…" _he said sadly.

"_You can though. You have to. You're missing something I left you."_

Wait…something he…left Nuju? He left something for him? When? Where?

"_I…I don't under-"_

"_You better hurry Nuju! It's almost here!"_ Matoro beamed and stood up, pulling Nuju up along with him, _"Now wake up."_

'_But…but I can't…' _he thought.

There's something waiting for you. You have to wake up.

'_But this place! It's…it's-'_

It's not your home. It's not even _his _home…

Not…not _his _home. This was just a dream. Matoro wasn't here, he said so himself. He even felt…_didn't _feel it…

"_Nuju…"_ Matoro squeezed his hand again and smiled, _"I may not be here anymore. But I'm still in here…" _he placed his free hand against Nuju's heartstone.

Nuju carefully placed his own hand over Matoro's, almost afraid he would vanish or break under his touch. He felt his own heartbeat through Matoro's hand, a chilling reminder of what this Matoro didn't have that he did.

Matoro was dead. Matoro didn't exist anymore. There wasn't even a body to mourn over. Just memories…

Wake up…

'_Wake up…' _

He shut his eyes with a tired sigh, suddenly feeling like he was falling, or floating, it was hard to tell. Everything was vanishing into gossamer dust, leaving just him and the bleary image of Matoro before him. It felt like he was half asleep, or just waking up…

"_One last thing Nuju…"_ the quickly fading Matoran started. Nuju barely had the willpower to avert his hearing back to him before he spoke his last words.

"_Even if Mata-nui hadn't been dying…my fate wouldn't have changed."_

Matoro smiled at him. It went dark.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Ah…!" Nuju sat bolt upright and covered his mouth from letting out a startled yelp.

His heart nearly beating out of his chest, his eyes slowly scanned the room, as if waiting to be jumped by some unseen enemy. Desk, chairs, unpacked boxes, where had he heard all this before?

Oh…office. His office. He was…awake?

'_But I…' _he swallowed. As much as he didn't want to, he knew he had to. Although…

Rather than looking at what he had supposedly done to himself, Nuju lifted his other hand and slowly, hesitantly, ran his fingertips over his wrist.

Nothing.

No warm wetness, no pain, no numbness, _nothing_. Nuju dared himself to look down at his wrist, shakily averting his gaze downwards. He nearly sighed in relief.

Nothing was on his wrist. No cut, no mark, nothing. Not even a single drop of blood. The envelope opener lay far off on his opposite side, not a speck of red on it either. It looked brand new!

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Er, Turaga? Um, I have a letter for you." Was that Kopeke?

Oh…OH!

'_Damn it! How long was I-…' _asleep…?

Unbelievable. He really HAD been asleep…kind of. But he thought he had…

'_Oh never mind! I can ponder this later…' _he thought irritably. Nuju honestly considered just ignoring Kopeke or telling him he was busy. But at the same time…

"_Come in!" _he called.

His door opened, and Nuju had to take a second look to make sure he was seeing things right. Yep, there they were. Kopeke wasn't alone. It seems Vakama and Nokama saw it fit to revisit him for some reason. Mata-nui only knows why…

Nuju resisted groaning at this and instead sighed, leaning back into his chair tiredly.

"_What is it now?" _he sighed.

"Erm…uh, how to start…?" Kopeke shifted uneasily from one foot to the other.

The others seemed to take note of Kopeke's sudden nervousness. He's never been in close quarters with more than one person at a time, let alone three Turaga. He was like a frightened deer under headlights.

"Nuju, Kopeke here…has a special letter for you." Nokama said, gently ushering Kopeke forward to Nuju's desk.

"And are you sure you're alright Nuju? You look a bit…nauseous." Vakama added.

Nuju blinked and glanced down at the picture of Matoro on his desk, catching his own reflection in the glass.

'_Spirits alive, he's not kidding!' _he thought, touching a very pale cheek. He took in a deep breath through his nose and tried to relax his tense body, looking back at them with as much calmness as he could muster at the moment.

"_Special letter, you say?" _he asked, clearing his throat and trying to appear nonchalant.

Kopeke nodded shyly and hesitantly presented the letter to Nuju. The Turaga reached over and took it, noting how Kopeke's hands were shaking and how…scared he seemed. And it didn't even take him more than two seconds to find out just why.

A sharp sting found its way into his chest when he saw the signature on the letter. His shock didn't even last a moment longer before jumping straight into enraged.

"_Who the hell dare has the gall to make this!?" _he snapped. Kopeke visibly jumped from the sudden hostility, although he couldn't say he didn't expect it.

"Nuju, that letter isn't a fake…" Nokama said carefully.

"_Bull to the ninth degree! Whose bright idea was this!?" _Nuju snapped and stood up, about ready to tear the so called letter up into pieces.

"Wait please!"

All eyes were on Kopeke at that moment. Kopeke was even surprised that he even worked up the nerve to even raise his voice over its usual tone. A red flush instantly took over his face and he instantly found himself wanting to crawl under a rock.

"I-I mean…wh-what I mean to s-say is…u-um…" he was really starting to get annoyed by his own stuttering. He wasn't known to stutter. Only when he was seriously overwhelmed with other people.

Nuju frowned deeply and locked his icy gaze on the already intimidated Kopeke.

"_Where did you get this letter, Kopeke?" _he asked slowly.

The Turaga both shared an unsure look as Kopeke shook in his boots from the intimidating gaze. The Matoran was obviously on the verge of turning tail and running for the hills at this rate. They both considered telling Nuju themselves, but Kopeke spoke before they could.

"M-Matoro…h-he left it f-for you…before he left." Kopeke stated stiffly.

'_What?' _was Nuju's exact thought.

Matoro had left him this letter? Why would he-?

"_You can though. You have to. You're missing something I left you."_

Wait…was this what Matoro was talking about? Was this the thing he left for him? But…why find it now? Why did _Kopeke _have it?

As if sensing his confusion, Nokama decided to give Kopeke a moment to breathe and spoke.

"Kopeke has informed us that Matoro left him this letter to give to you later on. When the time was right." She said.

'_When the time was right…?' _he thought.

"…_when did he give it to you?" _he asked Kopeke. Nokama had to translate for him at the moment, ironically.

"Th-the night he and the others disappeared. He just…came to my home and told me to hang onto it for you…" he said nervously.

The night he disappeared…that was pretty good proof that his claims were true. And the fact that Kopeke was _not _a liar, let alone a good liar, was a pretty hard point to break in this situation.

Open it, his mind said.

Nuju averted his eyes over to the envelope opener, the same one he supposedly used to try and take his own life with. He swallowed slightly and picked it up, cutting it into the top of the letter.

Inside was a single sheet of paper filled in on both sides. The long letter itself was scrawled with his assistants' unmistakable handwriting. He sat back down and started reading…

_Dear Nuju,_

_As of now, you are probably reading this letter. If you are, then the time must be right and Kopeke has done his job. Or so I hope. But if not, then Nuju, I'm sorry to say, but right now, I am most likely dead…_

Nuju felt a shudder run up his spine and a sickening sensation flood his stomach. But he held back the bout of nausea and kept reading.

_I only did it this way and not left this letter for you because I knew that now is when you would have needed a small shred of me to look at. And I am sorry for this. Because now you needed this letter which I had hoped to retrieve if I came back alive. But if you are now reading this, I am sorry, but this is the last piece of me you will see._

_You're no doubt wondering just why I did this and ran off with the others. To answer that honestly, it was because I knew I had to, because of what was to come. Mata-nui was dying, and I couldn't stand the thought of you, and everything we loved, dying out like that…_

_When I heard of this, I didn't know what to do or what to think. I felt completely helpless to the situation. You, me, and everyone else was going to die out of nowhere. But I didn't want that to happen to you. Not you, never you. I have always felt weak and helpless over the years I've been with you. But now I have found my strength and made a difference in life. A difference I hope you are proud of._

Nuju barely had the strength to swallow the lump in his throat at these words. Even through it all, he could practically feel the warm smile radiating off of these words as he read them.

_You Nuju, were the only thing in life I truly ever cared about and truly loved. You have many reasons to live while I only had one; you. As much as I might have hurt you, I hope you will go on and let me go. Because life is precious and is not meant to be wasted. I am sorry if I hurt you, but I am not, nor will I ever be, sorry for my decision._

_You have no idea how happy you've made me over the years, just making by me smile. Yeah, you could be a real prick sometimes, but that's what I loved about you as well. I never thought that I would be looked upon with anything other than blind eyes or resentment. Even as I write this letter, I can't help smiling as I think back._

_You gave me a new life, a new outlook, and new hope. I can't possibly describe how grateful I am to you for simply existing. You were the only one in my life who actually cared about me the way a person should. You asked if I was alright when I seemed hurt or sad, took care of me when I was sick, were strong where I was weak, and firm when you needed to be. I couldn't help to think of you as the father I never knew…_

The other Turaga and Kopeke watched in high interest as Nuju covered his mouth with one hand, the other shaking with the letter, and crystal tears sliding down pale cheeks from wide eyes.

_But Nuju…there's also…something else I need to tell you. Something I've been keeping from you for a long time now…_

It was here that Nuju noticed a slight water stain diluting the ink over the first few words. Had Matoro been…crying over this letter?

_For the past month or so…it's been getting just a bit harder to hear things clearly. Some days, I can barely see out my right eye without my scope. And…my legs are becoming just a bit weaker. My armor is thinning and becoming brittle. Sometimes it's almost impossible to move when I wake up, I'm in so much pain. Just recently, I've been unable to keep certain foods down too. My chest becomes unbearably tight when I'm active, and sometimes, I feel my heart starting to slow down or pick up. I'm always tired, always out of breath, exhausted. Even now, I feel so cold…_

_But…I couldn't tell you these things. I wanted to, but then Dume told us what was coming. I just couldn't after that. I was too scared! But at the same time…I don't think I minded._

_I've been having these strange dreams for so long now. They're all so real, as if they already happened._

_Or more precisely, they were __going__ to happen. You once told me to trust my instincts and heart. And I'm glad I did. Because I know, that if you are reading this, you are safe, and I've fulfilled my role._

_I won't lie Nuju. I was…hesitant to leave. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. My only wish is that I had said a proper goodbye to you, and told you just how much you mean to me. It hurts me knowing you're probably worried for me. But now, you don't need to worry about me anymore._

_Everyone knows that I'm not the fighter type, not even an athlete or anything really useful. I'm an assistant and a translator, and I'm damn well proud of that role I've upheld for you. And I know that I can play a useful role in this, if only just to get someone else ahead of me. I can only hope and pray that you are proud of me._

_But for now, I can only tell you the things I've always wanted to tell you in this letter, and I hope they are enough…_

_I love you so much Nuju. You're my best friend, my family, my everything. I can't stand the thought of something precious to me perishing. I just can't. You…only you were able to make me feel like this. I've never felt more at home in my own skin than I have being around you. I can't possibly begin to describe how grateful I am to you. But please, know these things here._

_Even after you finish reading this letter, please don't be sad, and don't mourn me. I died happily, no doubt thinking of you and all my friends. I want you to keep going, pick yourself up, and be that strong Turaga I know and love._

_I did this all for you and the ones I love, and no one else. This was all so my everything could live with or without me._

_Just be out there somewhere smiling for me. That's all I can possibly ask of you now._

_I will miss you Nuju, I truly will. But you will always be in my heart, even if it may not be beating now._

_I'll tell Ihu you said hi!_

_~ Matoro._

He knew. That was the first thing that registered in Nuju's mind at the moment.

Matoro, he _knew_…that he was going to die.

"_Even if Mata-nui hadn't been dying…my fate wouldn't have changed."_

'_Oh god…oh god…!' _Nuju's hands convulsed and the letter fell from his hands, replaced by his face as he sobbed into his palms and shook horribly.

"Nuju? What did he say?" Nokama asked in concern.

Vakama became bold enough to pick up the letter and quickly read through it. His orange eyes widened and he covered his mouth in shock.

"Nokama…he was…he was sick…and he knew." Was all he could get out.

Confused, Nokama and Kopeke both read the letter presented to them. Their reactions were almost the same, Kopeke becoming deathly white and eyes watering.

"Oh dear spirits. He knew…he knew he was going to die? He was _sick?_" Nokama gasped out.

"Why…why didn't he say anything!?" Kopeke sobbed.

Nuju honestly didn't know how to answer that question. He simply couldn't, not with that shy smile forever imprinted on his mind. That light laugh, bright smile, and heavenly eyes. His heart ached with pain and loss, but at the same time, he felt…content almost.

_Just be out there somewhere smiling for me. That's all I can possibly ask of you now._ Were his last few words.

He knew his fate would, no matter what, lead to his own death. He didn't tell him, not even show any signs of fear or remorse. Nor did he show any signs of this sickness that plagued him. He simply smiled, laughed, and gazed at others with those gentle eyes.

'_Matoro…my child, you were so strong. How could such a beaten soul like yours be so strong?' _Nuju bit his lip and balled his fists against his forehead, still trying to swallow this near impossible truth.

His little boy knew he was dying, knew he was _going _to die. By Mata-nui's hand or not, he was going to die. The Toa powers he had gained during his journey would no doubt have kept him stronger for a while longer, but…in the end, he would still die in pain or with a smile.

"Nuju…?" Vakama started in concern.

Nuju was silent for a long while before he carefully stood up and looked to the back window behind him. His ice city was slowly but surely coming to life. The loss of one Matoran did not deter its construction in the slightest.

'_Just like the loss of a life. The world won't stop spinning if one Matoran dies…' _he thought.

_Smile for me_.

It hurt so much…his little Matoran, whom he had loved so much like a son, was gone, swept away by destiny's tides never to be seen again. All he had left was this one heartfelt letter, and his memories.

_I love you so much Nuju…_

He loved him…exactly the same way Nuju adored him. He loved Nuju, he was so grateful to him, he _died _for him.

'_Matoro…my little one, you're so pure…' _a heat Nuju never thought he'd feel again engulfed his chest in a lofty, heated sensation. The same feeling he would get every time Matoro smiled at him.

_I will miss you Nuju, I truly will. But you will always be in my heart, even if it may not be beating now._

Tears capsized down his face, but along with those tears, a small, faint smile graced his lips as he thought of his long gone Matoran. He was so sad he was gone. But also…he was so happy his feelings were returned! His Matoran loved him, he did this _all_ _for_ _him_.

A low sob caught his attention. He averted his gaze out of his hands and upwards towards Kopeke. The shy Matoran was sobbing brokenly into his arms and shaking horribly. The poor thing was overwhelmed by the words Matoro wrote in that letter. He was trying desperately to hide his face in his over-sized sweater clad arms, but to no avail.

Nuju stood up suddenly, making the other two Turaga jump slightly, and approached the broken Matoran silently. Kopeke didn't even notice his Turaga approaching, not until he felt his strong arms encircle his thin torso in a firm but gentle embrace.

Eyes wide and frame still with tension from the sudden physical contact, Kopeke didn't dare move. Not when Nuju put a gentle hand on his head, and not when he held him closer. Not until he spoke.

"He wants you to smile as well…" he said. He _spoke_, in the voice reserved only for his lost assistant.

Kopeke broke down completely. What started as a light sob became a sharp hiccup, and eventually into full blown tears. He practically bawled in Nuju's chest and squeezed his torso in a death grip. But the Turaga made no move to stop him.

'_Mata-nui…I'm not sure if I can forgive you for taking my boy away…but please, promise me you'll keep him safe and happy with you.' _He hoped his silent prayer wouldn't fall on deaf ears this time.

Vakama and Nokama watched on in silent happiness and serenity. A small blue spot caught the water Turaga's attention from the corner of her eye. She turned and picked up the stuffed penguin that lay hidden behind the desk where it fell.

The tear was gone.


End file.
